Mystery Girl's Diaries

Where should I begin describing this relationship? Friendship? Romance? Even if it's romance how should I put it into words, Fresh? Innocent? maybe I'm a coward trying to write this and re-live the moments where the fuck am I moving on.. It was intoxicating. It was dreamy It was addictive It was comforting It always felt like one argument away Should I think about how much pain he might be going through? Should I worry about my pain? This stupid fukn heart. I never knew I was this great lover..still worrying about a person who ruthlessly left me, like an option..haha..still in disbelief Where should I start missing him? What is the way he used to touch me, or how does his touch make me feel? How warm his voice used to sound or how he shut me down on every social media now? How safe and comfortable his hug made me feel or how helpless do I feel now? How he used to come back to me after every fight or how he left me for his family or for another girl that he didn't even like ...

Hmm... Love is??! Maybe love is missing someone, no matter how busy you are. Maybe love is liking the things that person used to like. Maybe love is an endless hope. Maybe love is that smile we get when we think of them. Maybe love is the pain we are aware of but still keep chasing. Maybe love is going back to the same person again and again. Maybe love is longing for someone, even when you know they won't be yours. Maybe love is finding comfort in their memories, even when they're not around. Maybe love is realizing that, no matter how far apart, they are always close to your heart. Maybe love is both joyful and painful, hopeful yet uncertain. Maybe love is confusion and clarity at the same time. Maybe love is...(you finish it!)                                                                  ...

 I was about to sleep when suddenly, intense overthinking occurred, leading to this post. Writing about LOVE is such a tough thing to do. I don't know if I will be able to put what I feel into words, and I'm not even sure if what I feel is the way it should be felt. (As always, your confused soul - the mystery girl). So, LOVE... We seek love in different ways or in different forms in our lives. I don't know if love is all the pampering you get.  I don't know if love is respect.  I don't know if love is trust. I don't know if love is concern or care.  I mean, what are the criteria to call it love if I talk in medical terms to diagnose it as love? Love is also what we get from our pets. I don't think they pamper us; it's just their attention and presence. Is it love? There is love in every kind of relationship. Like literally every kind of relationship: grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, colleagues, couples - irrespective of ...

I know...I know this is a late late post.......but yeah life is being it's rough and tough phase right now. This year Diwali has been a bit special and kind of close to my heart. I had to celebrate on my own this year and I wanted to decorate my room so much that it did not happen as I was very broke this year😂😂... However, I managed to get a diya and draped my mom's saree, did all the drama, and took pictures with that one diya...I felt happy, indeed it was special ❤️. And the day after that, my classmates decided to celebrate Diwali at a friend's place...we had fun and a kind of anxiety with all the crackers being thrown here and there. I don't know if I'll be able to celebrate like this again, but yeah... I'm grateful for the things that happened to me this year. I had a happy Diwali ❤️ 🎇🪔.                                                 -Mysterygirl 

 I want a forever. I am sorry, but I want nothing less. I want someone who will stay. I want to grow old with someone, sharing every day, sharing the little things. And yes, I also want to have the same excitement and passion, even on our last day on earth. So you are not allowed to get bored of me or anything that I do. When I smile at you, it should not be "I have seen that smile a million times." No, I want to see that longing in your eyes that you too want to join me in a smile. I am a crazy person. I do the silliest of things. And I want you to react to them, the same way. If you scream at me, scream forever. If you throw a pillow at me for taunting you, throw the pillow forever. If you find me cute when I kiss your forehead, then give me the same warm look forever. Are you getting me? I want everything to last, forever, the same way. I don’t want the love to fizzle out. I don’t want the intensity to lose steam with years. I don’t want you to ever get bored of me or my t...

I thought I have written on this topic... Well, This post is for that consistent follower! I don't know if I am eligible to talk about "love", but I am definitely eager to find out how it feels... Before getting into the point... Love at first sight not only happens between humans...the way we select our clothes or something is love at first sight isn't it...all the things we like first are the choices based on that first sight. Okay let me tell you this....one of my faculty who used to teach us statistics always used to say that...in statistics, there is no wrong answer...you can get any result and it will be right but the correctness or accuracy depends on the error and range of error... Why I am telling this is bcoz....yeah! You can fall in love at first sight but it depends on the consequences that happen next... You "CAN" fall in love at first sight but there is no guarantee how it turns out...it can work out or not.  It can be attraction or love or jus...

 I hate attachments and I mean it coz everyone is gonna hurt in the end.  And I learned it a Hard way maybe I still get attached but rarely but I definitely hurt, it's maybe not them but me, yeah I am the problem coz I expect. I don't know how to not expect...arrghh...and it is not about a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. I am talking about normal relations we have with our family and friends. The thing I already mentioned somewhere and again I am writing, I don't let anyone into my life that easily...and people who put constant efforts to stay in touch with me after I ignored them and ghosted them like anything will have a place and after all that, all they do is hurt, it's not about them again it's about me, even after knowing everything I still expect, and that's not what I want to do again and again coz it hurts, I have this thing fixed in mind that nobody really cares when I Said no I mean NOBODY!. And it hurts as much as the person becomes close and I am...

 Yayy... going home after almost 3 months i guess. Yup this is the longest that I have been away from home. And i still don't want to go there  bocz there may be another lockdown this time too😭😭... which i don't want. Okay keeping all those aside...i am having my best days these days. And I'm loving it. Ad today I almost missed my train becoz of my hostel mate.. however I didn't missed it 😂 but my anxiety went to peaks at some point 😬.  I want to do some productive things this holidays and also if lockdown happens. Let's see what are the unexpected things that are going to happen.                                                                                                   -Mystery girl

Yeah... it's not okay to blame yourself everytime...we are humans,we make mistakes, it's okay to blame situations and people sometimes, don't blame yourself especially when it's not your mistake... overdoing of anything causes harm for everything...as my life motto or philosophy or whatever it is called, everything has it's limits. Blaming your self is okay until you are ready to take responsibility and to face consequences wether it's your action or mistake or others that made you blame yourself or question yourself and it's equally okay to not blame yourself if you are not ready, unless you don't regret and feel guilt. And it's okay we humans need time to understand things coz we are in built with emotions...we take time to understand things and it's never too late to admit anything than regretting.  I feel life is like a one way road... there are no chances of taking u-turn or to move backwards..you have to move forward no matter what and what...

I have very few obsessions in life and one of them is number "9". I am completely into this number you can't believe it, when I do some editings of my pics I place the adjustments on number nine, my volume, and everything will be on nine. I was really happy when these blog views went 999 and of course 9th post and 99th post too. and that is why I love this day more after my birthday coz it's the 9th day of the 9th month, I wish I was born in 2009 on this day. don't know but numbers can also make us feel special,  just this day (or date) is special for me, felt like writing it here. hope there comes a day where I will be busy to remember this day and when I read this post on a random day, just wondering how it feels to be busy to forget things like this. I have the weirdest dreams one of them is to forget my birthday -not every year, just one year, that too unintentionally, I should be busy with work. I know its hard for me to forget, but I want to get that busy so...

Usually I like or I get attracted to people who are smart, intelligent or multi-talented...all my celebrity crushes are most likely to be multi-talented (there a person called gv.prakash , who is singer, composer and actor)...or who started their career at young age... Like Justin Bieber..I don't know the exact age of him when he released "baby"..it was my first ever English song that I heard and forever fav... and now Jung kook(jk)... I mean how did they know what they want at that age like 13 or 15...I wasn't even sure about my age at that time..and they left their home at that early age...They said JK left his home at 13 and he was joined in his company as a trainee at 15 and he is an international star by 20 (I guess) now he is 24 or 25...wow..howw??..this is insane..If had 1% of self-confidence or dedication they had...my life would have been soo much better. I like people who know what they want and put their everything into what they want and of course, finally...

  I am in no hurry to fall in love. You know, it’s cool like this, single, no drama, total freedom, just peace. But I still find love the most beautiful emotion, if true. So yeah, maybe one crazy day one crazy soul will dance with my crazy soul on a crazy beat that only our crazy hearts could feel. Too crazy? Well, that’s what love is, crazy. I have realized that. I have stopped looking for logic in love, the reasons, the checklist, the good, the bad, no. Life has freed me in past few years. I don’t get too worried about "what if." I am happy going with the flow. If someone will float with me, then cool. If someone wants to leave midway, leave. If I feel like leaving, I will leave too. I realized that I was just too tied up with people. I made my life so much about them that without them I did not have any life left. And that sucks. Yes, it used to feel special, intimate, soulmates, commitment, romantic, sacrifice, and blah blah blah. But honestly, that just sucks. I don’t wa...

 I don't know where this generation is going...  I wish I was born in some '90s where people used to send letters and give flowers to each other  call me old school but seriously this generation lost that purity maybe loyalty they are just obsessed to get into a  relationship irrespective of their age, okay let's keep age a side but intentions must have to be pure right? but no, they get into a relationship then they break up then they find another one then repeat till marriage don't know how they live after marriage. maybe it's all because communication is the easily available thing these days and all they want is to "show off".  maybe I am not that open-minded I guess .but if that is what being open-minded is, then I am happy with what I am now😂 . maybe that is why I am still single😂. hope ill find someone who thinks like me. I used to think boys are the stupid ones in this thing but after watching some things I realized girls are the same too.   e...

          this is one of my favourite songs, this lyrics has that confusion that I have, I mean this is just beautifully written, that I relate to... have you ever listened to something like "a song that feels like a warm hug", if it's real then it is one of those for me.                                                             Kaadani nuvvantunnadee..  Avunani vinipistunnadee.. nijamenaa O.. kaadani nuvvantunnadee Avunani vinipistunnadee.. nijamenaa Emo.. emannaano Emo.. em vinnaavo Em kaavaalantunnadee Atu itu ooge nee madee.. telisenaa Em kaavaalantunnadee Atu itu ooge nee madee.. telisenaa Emo.. em kaavaalo Tanakee.. teluso ledo Emo.. em kaavaalo Tanakee.. teluso ledo Kore.. varamedo.. munumunde niluchunde Inkaa.. kalalenaa.. kanupaapaa Chere.. dariyedo.. rammantoo eduraite Choostoo.. niluchode terachaa...

I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman- Britney spears lyrics is just.❤❤❤   I used to think I had the answers to everything But now I know That life doesn't always Go my way, yeah Feels like I'm caught in the middle That's when I realize I'm not a girl Not yet a woman All I need is time A moment that is mine While I'm in between I'm not a girl There is no need to protect me It's time that I Learn to face up to this on my own I've seen so much more than you know now So don't tell me to shut my eyes I'm not a girl Not yet a woman All I need is time A moment that is mine While I'm in between I'm not a girl But if you look at me closely You will see it in my eyes This girl will always find Her way I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe (Not yet a woman) I'm just tryin' to find the woman in me, yeah (All I need is time) oh, all I need is time (A moment that is mine) that's mine While I'm in between I'm not a girl...

  i want to be that lover who would rest his head on your lap, sitting under a sky full of stars and talk about all my nightmares, but i am afraid you wouldn't like my company. i want to be that friend who would invite over and talk about my demons, but i am afraid, you would assume me to be that demon who is camouflaging as your friend. i want to be that 2 am friend who would offer you a seat beside me as we travel through the bumpy roads of my past, but i am afraid, you would start hating me. i want to be that son who would make you understand that isn't always sunny inside my head, but i am afraid you wouldn't understand and be a parent instead of a friend. you would again offer me a cup of advice instead of a bucket of ice-cream and your friendly company. i hope being lovers doesn't only mean sharing the good things but also your darkest secrets. i hope people understand you when you talk to them about your past, and listens to you instead of passing a judgement. th...

Mmm..... don't take people for granted....... actually I want to keep this in my WhatsApp status...in a good sense...but again.. people misunderstand me🤷🏻‍♀️...the love is not only for lovers right?......anyone can love you, anyone can leave you, but that also doesn't mean they are in a relationship. No Matter who, just don't take for granted, people get tired, it's not like they show in movies in which the hero loves heroin still after her death....there will be a replacement for everything. Even friends get tired of you when you constantly ignore or avoid them..mmm....maybe there is a reason why I am writing this nonsense... should I write it? I am confused. I am scared that if I write. I agree somethings that I am denying till now...living life as over-thinker sucks 🥵  What I wanted to say is don't lose people who genuinely care for you period.                                       ...

  “he is someone I would want to be with, but… I don’t know,” I say. . “you know you can’t keep doing this. you can’t keep running away from love. why is it that even the idea of being with someone scares you?” . “I don’t think you will get it.” . “We can try.” . “Okay... so love and dating? it’s a brilliant concept. I love it when it happens in books and movies. and I like the idea of love, too, but it’s hard…” “go on.” . “it’s hard because of a lot of things. it’s hard because people have a habit of leaving. they have a habit of leaving and never looking back.” . “right.” . “and I have a habit of holding on to things. to people. as tightly as I can. the idea of falling in love is beautiful until you realize that the ‘fall’ will hurt. and I’m not ready for that. it hurts too much.” . “Does that mean you’ll never let anyone come into your life?” . “I don’t know, but I really hope there comes a day when I do.” I smile. ___ scene by Shikha (@shikhaholic) for The Scribbled Stories...

 https://youtu.be/G-4tJ63X5vo.  OMG I saw it after these many days... Justin's words in the end...wow..just amazing that's what any other girl like me wants to hear...BTW what he said was.."not everything needs to be physical, I can love her without even needing to touch her"..... okay i am touched..... First I was and iam fan of  his songs, now for the way he is. "baby" was the first ever english song that i had heard and loved and ofcourse selena's and his story was a thing at that time. it's really awesome that a 13 year's old kid achieving soo much by that time.  there was me ..dumb and living like nobody😑                                                                                                       ...

Hmmm...LOVE!! In my opinion, there is only love, not true or fake. if it's fake then it's not love and love is always true. but it is soo called these days. many great writers defined it in different ways. I think it's only understood when a person experiences it. I can't write much because I have never experienced it (of course, love from close ones is different). I am talking about the "actual" love of life, the bf/of love, the lifetime love, That love. I had never fallen in Love, it never happened to me.....Till my schooling, I was really like a cold-hearted girl. even, though I never used to encourage my friends in such things 😂😂. It really sounds funny. I used to motivate people if found someone with such ideas or else I used to stay away from them🤷🏻‍♀️. I know it's rude to apply my ideology to them, but I am like that in person, so it happened, happens too.    Don't know why but I never had that emotion in my life. crush, attraction, first lo...