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Letting Go of Maybe

 I keep thinking about him. About us. About maybe.

Maybe he’ll come back. Maybe he’ll explain to his father. Maybe he’ll apologize. Maybe there’s still a chance.

And then I remember the truth.

He didn’t even text me a sorry. He went to meet another girl. He talked to her father. He made choices that moved him away from me. And the “maybe” I keep holding onto? It’s not reality....it’s just my brain trying to soften the truth, trying to protect me from the pain of finality.

I realize now...There was never a real “us” in his mind. I was always temporary. But that’s not my flaw. That’s his limitation.

I was ready to fight for us. I was ready to speak, to step up, to risk everything. He was ready to protect his image. That tells me everything about who deserves me ...and it’s not him.

So today, I choose clarity over maybe. I choose myself over uncertainty. I release the illusion. I reclaim my time, my energy, my love.

I am done waiting for him to become the man he never was. I am done imagining apologies that will never come. I am done giving my heart to someone who treats me as optional.

I am worthy of someone who chooses me...without hesitation.

But still, it hurts like hell. After trying, after giving him a chance for five years… after him knowing everything about me… he took advantage, had his fun, and even now, despite the pain he’s caused, he still chose someone else.

I hate his family. How can people attach their family’s prestige and nonsense to his marriage? On the day-to-day, it’s him and that girl, not the family, who will live together. 

And they think that makes them “mature”? Maturity, my foot. Instead of grieving, I was pitying him, sympathizing with his situation, feeling sorry that he grew up in such a family, which I hate.

Now, the most important thing I need is myself. And I am finally accepting the reality.... he left me. He is not coming back. I’ve tortured my mind enough thinking there’s still a possibility… but there isn’t. If there were, I wouldn’t be sitting here crying.

He was the one who came into my life saying love. He convinced me to be in a relationship, promised me everything… then broke it all and left me in pieces, thinking it was the only option.

I am sorry for myself… for loving an incapable man.


                                                                                            -- Mysterygirl

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