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Showing posts with the label my college life 🤦‍♀️

Relationship

Where should I begin describing this relationship? Friendship? Romance? Even if it's romance how should I put it into words, Fresh? Innocent? maybe I'm a coward trying to write this and re-live the moments where the fuck am I moving on.. It was intoxicating. It was dreamy It was addictive It was comforting It always felt like one argument away Should I think about how much pain he might be going through? Should I worry about my pain? This stupid fukn heart. I never knew I was this great lover..still worrying about a person who ruthlessly left me, like an option..haha..still in disbelief Where should I start missing him? What is the way he used to touch me, or how does his touch make me feel? How warm his voice used to sound or how he shut me down on every social media now? How safe and comfortable his hug made me feel or how helpless do I feel now? How he used to come back to me after every fight or how he left me for his family or for another girl that he didn't even like ...

NOVEMBER-4th

Hmmm...hi to myself maybe... I don't know but there is so much to write and say... so let me start by saying hi to myself...coz I miss myself and the energy or the vibe of old me.....I know it is a constant change, but I don't know what I'm even becoming...hope I feel safe and happy soon, of course, I'm happy but that constant feeling of getting sad over things I have a reason for that...I don't want to get affected by others..why is there this constant push and pull of emotions in my life and why do people affect me... maybe it is me who gives that importance to others and gets affected. for instance, I wish, I wish I was a stone and just live my life stably.                                                                                   ...

LOST

  I was feeling veryy low and I was making up this post in my head and I was thinking about writing it then boom this writer on Instagram..I don't know how??/ just how ..he writes relatable posts with my real-life situations...I relate to his posts almost 70%... whenever I'm feeling low or facing a situation his posts just pop up in front of me. I've been following him since forever. Then, I open this blog and read his comment- rapid physica--this is a big shout-out to you from me...THANK YOU for being this consistent, even when I was not...I know very very few people read my blog...I don't know if my posts or my nonsense are worth your time...but feel soo grateful...you don't know how much your comments mean to me..especially on days like this(today)...there are times when I beg my boyfriend to read but, he is not much into reading..it kind of sad but yeah..it feels nice to know that people like you exists and does support irrespective of who I am..like even after ...

Mental breakdown

The amount of mental...sorry it's not mental..... it's an emotional breakdown, The number of emotional breakdowns I have been facing has drastically increased. to be exact....these days are being a little tough...I don't know...I don't know if I should deal with myself, people, or my career. I don't know why I am like this, I am questioning everything about me and everything that I have done till now..the way I am... living like me is tough. (this was a drafted post on 26/6/23 and today is 5 actually 4/07/23 I'm still feeling and facing the same). You know living alone and the stage of final year college is a stressful phase itself and along with all this, there are people (of course people are always my problem coz no matter how much careful I was and no matter how much effort or genuine I am, people are the worst. trust me, worst..only a few of them...when I say few it is hardly one or two are worth it). coming back to the topic...I don't know if everyone ...

One last summer vacation

 As I sat on the train... I was watching from the window, and it made me feel the same thing.... stone in the flow remember?!..... It was the same...I am constant or stable, but the world felt like running past me But this time...I thought differently....it is maybe because of me....or...the way I feel things.......at times, I do stop and feel the things around me.... perhaps that's why I think I'm not moving at all or like I don't feel the movement in my life..... I know it will sound cliche but even my train is moving.....so does my life.! Sometimes I make things complicated but even those complicated thoughts give me damn good answers and I love it! BTW this was my last summer vacation....struggle starts from here... I still felt the same sadness that felt when I'm leaving home for the first time.. and you know what...I did faint at the railway station, it was my first-time-public-solo-fainting 😂...however I was safe and my friends came to pick me up as I reached th...

LIFE UPDATES/UPGRADES 😉 - MARCH 2023

I know...I know... I am being lazy and busy these days and in between these days, some massive changes have happened in my life in the last week.  Sooo... I have moved out of the hostel and NOWW, I am living alone in my space(I am screaming inside). I don't know if what I did is right or what I did was a great decision but yeah it is what I have always wanted and it happened....I have manifested indeed. Of course, my parents are aware and I happened to have a small argument kind of thing at the hostel that I have stayed in. Well! let's say, it helped me to move out finally... I have struggled soo much more than I need by staying there. on this note, I am really grateful for my family and mossttt importantly my friends, who support me, help me, and tolerate me ... I am really really grateful for having a few people who always think of me and look after me.... all the love right back to them Anyway, Wish me luck.... all I know is whatever happens it is going to be an experience, ...

GOVT SCHOOLS

Soo in the beautiful course that I chose with my own hands, has a project in 5 years. For that project, I had to visit schools...we visited a private school and a government school in this process... It was a hell and heaven experience...of course nostalgia hit me in between... Private school was a bit easy....the kids understood the questionnaire a bit quickly they were disciplined (almost). but govt school...OMG...it was a scary experience... they were not at all behaving like students...it was almost a jungle and I felt like I was in between a group of monkeys. ...we lost our minds at the end of the day after watching all the drama over there. Then I got angry...I rant about it to everyone I met after that.. really frustrating coz..coz even the faculty there was ridiculous..the way they communicated the way they received us was really ridiculous...I was really angry with them for their behavior... And then I got angry about the whole govt education system...I mean how many funds do ...

WARD ROUND'S AGAIN

  after almost 2 years, I went onward rounds again. the only best (i mean one of the beshtest)  part of my college life. the thing that makes me realize how lucky I am and the people around me to be living healthy and happy. today we went to the nephrology ward and oncology ward(again 😬). Really we should thank god for everything we have blessed or at least we should be grateful and should appreciate what we have, coz we don't know how long it gonna last. just be grateful. coz disease like cancer don't even have some proper reason for the cause, I don't know why people have to go through all those things, maybe that's is what called fate or whatever. today I saw people doing hemodialysis, everything is new for me and I was the kind of person who used to be scared to see my own blood, and of course, once I fainted after a blood test😶, now I am a little better, but seeing those people connected to that big machine and all the needles pipes made me a little how should I ...

Depression

 https://youtu.be/pCXZKv8tmTQ  okay this video made me think of "my" phase, which I never talked about, maybe I was scared of that thing , maybe I was trying to avoid that thing/hiding it within me.  now the time has come, I have to say yes I went through this thing called "DEPRESSION". the first thing i never share it with any single person becaz i don't think they take mental illness just like physical illness they will consider it as madness and again they start judging you and more over they bring this thing again and again in your life no matter how happy you are (i mean they keep reminding you).  coming to "my phase" i don't think i have a single reason for its cause. there are so many factors that influenced me, from my academic stress to family situations, i felt so much pressure on me. suddenly there was so much sadness in my life and i wasn't able to handle it. i used to cry like an idiot, i felt helpless... i never felt like that som...

DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

The mystery girl is a little busy girl now 😛. college, assignments, notes, journey, headache🤕. okay okay... don't judge a book by its cover... almost everyone knows it.. a famous idiom. mmm...it played a major role in my life... but in a different way😂... most people use it in a way saying that don't underestimate anyone... but in my case, it was different... whenever I have assumed people or believed that they are good..there was a completely different story/angle of those people contrary to my expectations. I mean every time I have faced the completely unexpected side of a story which I never had ever expect from them...OMG..some stories really blocked my mind..... I will share 2 stories from that many..  which I'll never forget. so there was a friend of mine who acted like a great actor which took me a long time to accept the reality. it's nothing like she did wrong but she was my friend and hid something like that from me.....so what happened is there was a senio...

2nd YEAR chapter close.

 https://www.instagram.com/tv/CK7qAe0Hi37/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet watch that.....that was the beautiful thing that I found on the internet yesterday. "all the time the world will not throw the kind of ball that you want to hit"- this line hit me. I can't get enough... how beautifully they explain everything. okay okay....sooo successfully I got my second-year memo..and I passed in every subject.....yup it feels great....#FeelingGreatful............ I wish my life goes on like this....I don't want to write any kind of supplies in the future too. and yup I went to college today...by god's grace everything was good...it feels like the second inning of my pharm d journey...if my pharm journey was a book then obviously 2nd is a chapter so successfully an end to 2nd year. I'll try to motivate and face everything positively as much as I can....I don't want that...how should I explain...mmm...that negative, depressed kinda thoughts, things and feelin...

Finally...

 I shouldn't say finally...coz for me it's all going to start from tomorrow....I mean #TheStruggle one😂😅....but finally.. I am here in this new-old world again...I just wish every thing goes well..... You know what....I find a different me at home or hometown...and another person  away from home.... I'll be like a soap bubble at my home😂😂 ..I burst for each and every little thing 😅... here,it's a different me, trying to adjust...I know it's the only thing I have to do here, it's not something super hard... that's what people feel... I may look normal outside but inside me there will be lots of programs running😅....hope everything thing will be okay soon... I'll try to motivate myself as much as I can 💪🏻💪🏻. fighting!!                                                      -Mystery girl

HOME SICK AT HOME🤦‍♀️

yeah.....when you hear some things that you don't want to and automatically your stress levels turn up high.....and I can't even describe that emotion..it's irritating, frustrated, stressed..aaarrrghh seriouslyy😑😑... soo...the thing is I got a message...that so-called 'notice' thing from college, that the college is going to reopen for offline classes from TOMORROW...yeah and they informed it TODAY..wow..they lost their brains i guess. first of all...I want some time to mentally convince myself to go to college, second thing is I have to shift from my current hostel. the third thing is, it is not at all going to be interesting or fun, I can say it's going to be super stressful. coz you know I have these gems of faculty members who make me regret why I ended up there and the last one is after staying  these many days at home... leaving home is the actual struggle. I Never thought that I would hate my college this much. whatever, they ruined my day....I can'...

That mini heart attack

 😅😅... Have you ever experienced it.. ofcourse every one does... Soo today my results are announced but they don't provide it on online for this stupid course 😬😬😬... I hope everything goes well😩😩... They spoiled my day..I am unable to sleep now🤦🏻‍♀️😑... May be I have to wait for a week to know what I did in exams 😣😓.

WHAT'S GOING ON- college

sometimes I really don't understand what's going with me. why did I choose this course? do I am loving this? of course, I love learning new things, I love those labs but, I don't like that faculty at all....... they bring out the stress in me, they act like demons....its going to be my third year but still it feels like the first day, seriously I never loved being in class with that faculty...they doesn't even know basic student psychology, past 2 years were felt like hell. the way they convey anything or the way they speak in classes is disgusting. basically, this is a  tough course with whole chemistry and drugs, in that these people are aarrgh! . I think no one in the class loves to listen to a class wholeheartedly. a lecturer should make the subject sound interesting...these people give less knowledge and Moore stress. compared to first-year these years were better because we got used to their "egoistic and don't know how to describe aah.... talks.  I reall...

MY COLLEGE

college (the regret). it has given me a totally different experience, I still can't get over it, I am still unable to accept this thing maybe because it was the first time I was away from home and away from my people. I did my schooling and +2 in my home town I was always with my school friends whom I know from my 4th standard. when I joined in this present college that I am studying I suddenly  felt like another world for me.so many unique mentalities, so much selfishness I am facing now, nothing feels like real there, maybe people  are meant to be like that I am new to that kind of environment, I don't know how much time it takes me to accept this already its been 2 years. problem is not with the course or subjects, the problem is with people and ....and people. I am really confused with their mentalities I don't know what do they want from me, they only talk with people for some benefit it seems, or maybe I feel like that and my faculty I don't know what their intent...