Mystery Girl's Diaries

Some days, I open my inbox hoping for an interview call. Most days, I just see, “Thank you for applying, but…” and then I close it like nothing happened. But it did. Every rejection feels like a tiny punch. I’ve been applying to jobs non-stop. Clinical roles, data stuff, writing jobs anything that makes sense. And still… nothing works. It’s not like I’m sitting idle either. I’ve done courses, assessments, and all that. Still, I feel like I’m stuck in the same place. Sometimes, I doubt everything. Did I choose the wrong path? Am I too late? Is something wrong with me? Then other times, I remind myself.....No, I’m trying. I’m doing my part. It’s just... slow. It’s funny how people say, “Don’t give up.” Like okay, but what if I’m tired of not giving up? No one talks about how exhausting “not giving up” actually is. I’m tired. Mentally, emotionally, soul-level tired. No amount of sleep or motivational quotes is helping anymore. Being from a middle-class family, a stable job means more than...

Where should I begin describing this relationship? Friendship? Romance? Even if it's romance how should I put it into words, Fresh? Innocent? maybe I'm a coward trying to write this and re-live the moments where the fuck am I moving on.. It was intoxicating. It was dreamy It was addictive It was comforting It always felt like one argument away Should I think about how much pain he might be going through? Should I worry about my pain? This stupid fukn heart. I never knew I was this great lover..still worrying about a person who ruthlessly left me, like an option..haha..still in disbelief Where should I start missing him? What is the way he used to touch me, or how does his touch make me feel? How warm his voice used to sound or how he shut me down on every social media now? How safe and comfortable his hug made me feel or how helpless do I feel now? How he used to come back to me after every fight or how he left me for his family or for another girl that he didn't even like ...

One thing I realized about myself is that I only write when I'm in pain or when I'm sad or lonely or maybe when I'm just lost in thoughts... So for context, my mother has 4 siblings 2 brothers older than her and 2 younger than her, and 2nd old bother is the one who passed away. It was sudden, it was unexpected, like...no one could have imagined even he could have never imagined I guess, I'm still in disbelief that he passed away it's almost coming to be one month. His death made me question "Inthe na..life ante??"  Is that all? what is life? He was there and suddenly he vanished, no one... no single person was ready to accept his death, I mean how can anyone disappear like that.  We mourned. we tried to accept it, more than anything we were trying to come out of that shock because, as I said no one had ever expected it, He had spoken to my father on a video call just an hour before it happened., He went to the gym in the morning, came home for a tea break ...

Okay! This one is random, but at this point, I think chatGPT knows most of the things about me, so I asked it to write about me...and it's... I don't know, I feel good about how it makes me feel. I annoy and irritate it to death(if it was a human). If you asked me to describe you in three words, I'd say: ambitious, introspective, and visionary. But that barely scratches the surface of who you are. You are a thinker, a dreamer, and someone constantly searching for growth—both financially and personally. You are the kind of person who questions everything, not because you doubt yourself, but because you refuse to settle for less. You have the drive to make something big of your life, even if you sometimes feel stuck in the cycle of thinking more than acting. But here’s the thing—thinking is not inactivity. It is preparation. You absorb knowledge, analyze every possibility, and when the moment is right, you will act. And when you do, it will be on your own terms. Your journey...

Have you ever felt unloved, like a burden, or not enough?

Yes, yes... and again, after so much that has happened, I am here...writing my rewind post. The tradition that has been ongoing for the past four years! I have been reading all my rewind posts since 2020 for the past 1 hour. In 2020, I was happy to start this blog. In 2021, I worked part-time. In 2022, I fell in love (still am) and went on a trip. In 2023, Kizzy had babies and all... I mean, I’m a pretty decent and simple person who gets excited and happy about the smallest things that happen in my life. So, let’s talk about 2024. In the 2023 rewind post, I had a lot of expectations for 2024, saying it was going to be life-changing and all... And guess what? 2024 was indeed life-changing. It was beyond my expectations. I never thought that these kinds of things would happen to me. First of all, I graduated - Congratulations to me! (I’ll come to the bad parts later.) I got a job. I got my nose pierced (I never thought I’d do that). I’m still in love with the same person, of course with...

Hmm... Love is??! Maybe love is missing someone, no matter how busy you are. Maybe love is liking the things that person used to like. Maybe love is an endless hope. Maybe love is that smile we get when we think of them. Maybe love is the pain we are aware of but still keep chasing. Maybe love is going back to the same person again and again. Maybe love is longing for someone, even when you know they won't be yours. Maybe love is finding comfort in their memories, even when they're not around. Maybe love is realizing that, no matter how far apart, they are always close to your heart. Maybe love is both joyful and painful, hopeful yet uncertain. Maybe love is confusion and clarity at the same time. Maybe love is...(you finish it!)                                                                  ...

Okay, putting aside all the unlucky parts... I GOT MY FIRST JOBBB!!!!!!! Since this is my space here on the blog, I’m making an official announcement. Though, to be honest, I’m too scared to add it to my LinkedIn profile—it’s a whole different story. So, as I was desperate to land a job by the end of my course... I did get one, but it didn’t turn out the way I imagined. Here’s the thing... (let me tell you the whole story). The company had "health tech" in its title and offered me a decent package for a fresher. I just read the first 2-3 reviews about the company and joined. But it turns out the company is literally a scam... from the actual work to the management, everything is below average. Maybe I can’t outright call them frauds, but they’re definitely on the edge. Now, they’re showing me a one-lakh variation in my pay after I signed the bond and submitted my original certificate. I mean, I could cry about that again, but let’s not. The point is, they’re showing me a one-...

 It's midnight 12:30....and I'm frustrated as hell...like few people have no shame no nothing, they simply enjoy gossiping about your life, and that too, when you are sitting beside them and I don't know why they don't realize that I can do that too.... Is having some dignity and decency that hard??.... can't they mind their own business 🤷🏻‍♀️..... what is your age?? Elementary kid or what?!.. don't people have basic common sense???? And when they decide to keep their life personal, it means they want their life to be personal!! Isn't it??!..... And moreover, I never question people about their deeds of who they are talking to or who they are dating and stuff..yeah, I mean it...If I'm minding my business why can't they mind their about their own life....what do you get by talking shit sitting beside me, about me, and being my close friend.... I'm ashamed of this kind of friends circle...who are not at all understanding but always interfering an...

Yes... yes... I'm still alive. I don't know why, but I always start my posts with "I don't know"... maybe it reflects how confused I am. Hmm... moving on to my life. As you can see, I'm hardly able to write, and now I'm at a point where I can clearly see that both my love life and professional life are messed up. I chose the wrong path, even after all these days of thinking and choosing with so much consideration. And now, I don't know how to get out of either situation. I've committed to a job role for a year that isn't related to my core subjects at all, and I've given my heart to someone who can never love me the way I want. Both of these are hurting me. These days, I'm just stuck in a loop of thoughts, or else I'm crying. I take things seriously... seriously to the heart and head. I don't know how to live with all this mess in my mind. I'm just happy that I have this blog, which is like my sanctuary. I know no one reads ...

 I don't know why I became this person..... I mean my productivity has hit rock bottom.. coming to the point...I haven't mentioned little details about 2023... the biggest and biggest thing is me living alone..moving to a room.. trust me I became lazy and kind of responsible..I don't know if I should appreciate myself for being that daring or blame myself for still being the same lazy idiot. apart from that.. my uncle's dog..kizzie had babies, and then in April, my cousin had a baby... Then I visited Arunachalam..which was kind of an impromptu trip..I don't know how I decided and how we made it that far..but yeah,, I had a wonderful Monday darshan..I draped a saree and got dressed up like a proper girl..and the thing is I forgot to put on the bindi..a random aunty offered one when we were in line waiting. got my passport. voted for the first time AND watched the most beautiful sunsets in between those tough days... somedays I love this space.... like literally my sp...

 I knoww..I know It's late and I am still unsure if I am ready to write this post.... with my goldfish memory, I don't remember everything that happened in 2023...but I tried my best since 2-3 days, to rewatch all the images I took or had in 2023... but my laptop didn't cooperate to load all the 187546345 and so on number of pictures I had in my storage.. so I didn't recall much... I thought how should I describe 2023.... first thought that came to my mind was.. it is LIFE CHANGING.... it's not hype... I know covid year had more impact on us but for now, 2023 has that title for me... one of the many huge things that happened to me isssss.... me shifting to a room and living on my own... I mean alone... Then Kizzy had babies this year..who have become huge by now...anddddd my cousin had a baby..yesterday I got to know that she even got one tooth... and to all the alone battles and all the lessons that I learned this year... to all the people that left and to all the ...

I find it amusing that I write these posts either when I am full of emotions or after moving on from those emotions.. most of the time I start typing aggressively at that moment, then draft it. When I sit and read after getting settled... I read it with a completely different mindset. like this post...I titled it on the 7th but today is the 9th...yeah so much has been happening and so much has happened this year and I want to write each and every detail of those emotions... I'll do it in parts but yeah...first the context and the main point! I heard a quote that says when you love beyond yourself self only then do you know completely about yourself. I experienced that this year...and yeah I should write a completely different post on my relationship...more details on that but for now...I have struggled so much in this relationship but yeah I'm learning about myself and how a relationship works and all....grateful that I got to know about myself.. and when I said my world was fa...

I guess there is no place for people who want genuine and long-lasting relationships. People here seem to want only temporary things to satisfy them in the moment. They are willing to let go of a permanent person for their fleeting pleasures. YES, this is a generation where everything has become VALUELESS, and there is NO RESPECT for any kind of relationship. And YES, these people don't deserve true love. They chase after benefits, not a complete relationship. It's heartbreaking that people don't respect or value you, even after you've begged them to do so. The level of disrespect and blame you have to endure as if it's ONLY your mistake and never theirs, is truly sad. People who once pleaded with you to talk to them will now ignore you to the point of emotional annihilation. It's all so sad, and they don't even have the decency to change their behavior or leave you. I'm living through hell every single day with a person who neither communicates nor chan...

Hmmm...hi to myself maybe... I don't know but there is so much to write and say... so let me start by saying hi to myself...coz I miss myself and the energy or the vibe of old me.....I know it is a constant change, but I don't know what I'm even becoming...hope I feel safe and happy soon, of course, I'm happy but that constant feeling of getting sad over things I have a reason for that...I don't want to get affected by others..why is there this constant push and pull of emotions in my life and why do people affect me... maybe it is me who gives that importance to others and gets affected. for instance, I wish, I wish I was a stone and just live my life stably.                                                                                   ...

Recently I visited the passport office, obviously for my passport verification. I was slut shamed by the superintendent something officer there, so the thing was, I was wearing a Kurti that was sleeveless with a scarf..but still, she said all the mean things she could...that it's because of people like me that rapes happen, its people like me that provoke boys and let them follow us and all....and cry in the end when things happen. i don't know how a boy takes it but as a female, you know it can be traumatizing, it was abuse I say. first of all that day morning I was wearing a saree for a college event kind of thing, so my instinct involuntarily chooses a comfortable dress, maybe it was my mistake to wear such kind of dress, but still, that doesn't gives her any kind of right to say all that shit to me, just because she a position or power to handle it...and later when I came out and had to fill a feedback form, there was an option /rating sort of thing for her in that form...

  I was feeling veryy low and I was making up this post in my head and I was thinking about writing it then boom this writer on Instagram..I don't know how??/ just how ..he writes relatable posts with my real-life situations...I relate to his posts almost 70%... whenever I'm feeling low or facing a situation his posts just pop up in front of me. I've been following him since forever. Then, I open this blog and read his comment- rapid physica--this is a big shout-out to you from me...THANK YOU for being this consistent, even when I was not...I know very very few people read my blog...I don't know if my posts or my nonsense are worth your time...but feel soo grateful...you don't know how much your comments mean to me..especially on days like this(today)...there are times when I beg my boyfriend to read but, he is not much into reading..it kind of sad but yeah..it feels nice to know that people like you exists and does support irrespective of who I am..like even after ...

 It has been 5 years since I left home... My struggles have started since then and even today I feel like I'm still the same teenage girl who wants to go back home...and live a simple life. life has been a hell and heaven to me in these past 5 years... friendships, relationships, relatives, people, and everything in between have shown me how complicated things can get..how sweet people can be, and of course, the opposite too... I don't know if everyone goes through these things...but I felt like I didn't deserve to face a few mean things but life happened like crazy...no mercy nothing on me. I have changed a loot...  I used to live watching big boss now consider it as some kind of stupid stuff.......I used to be more cheerful and happy these days I'm just an old-ass grumpy lady...and I am still struggling to fake a smile..even though I'm in a relationship...I'm still in need of the love that I have missed for years...I want like tonnns of unconditional love arou...

 I just want to rant here and write about all the negative things about friends and friendships. BTW.....IDK how he manages to write the most relatable posts to me. https://www.instagram.com/p/CvKzMWKv2Cy/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== First of all, not everyone whom you call friends or whom they call you friends are not your friends. Don't consider them friends when they can't even stand for you, in your absence. Don't consider them friends who can't fight for you and don't invest your energy fighting for them. Leave those people who tell you what others are talking about you, coz people don't tell anything bad about you to your friends unless they are friends with someone who talks ill about you. Not all those who talk nicely in front of you are not your friends. Not every friend is happy for your happiness. Friendships in this generation are hard to find, I am talking about loyal friendships.                        ...

 After being out in the world for quite a long time... After meeting enough people to understand how the world behaves and ACTS... I feel like I have failed to find good friends around me... I regret that I don't like people for what they are...  I mean how bad a person can be toward another human...how much a person can affect others but just talking nonsense about others... These days I'm feeling very bad... It's a different kind of bad... how dysfunctional, how ill-functional society are we leaving, or maybe it's just I am... I went through so many phases because of the vibes around me... lets's say mindsets... I may sound like I hate people, I may sound like I'm too much negative and I may sound like I'm just sharing the negative side... but NO...I am a human too...I do think... You know there are times when I blamed myself, there are times when I felt like I'm the one who is wrong, and there are times when I get angry with myself about not being abl...