maybe life was never about clarity
I really thought life is about clarity.
About knowing what I’m doing.
Having the ability.
Having some kind of direction… and just following it.
Like, if I do things right, life will make sense.
But these days… I don’t think that’s what life is.
I think life is about uncertainty.
Like… constantly.
Not knowing what’s going to happen next.
Not knowing how things will turn out.
Not knowing people… even when you think you do.
Being okay with not knowing…
And the worst part?
You can’t control any of it.
Not life.
Not outcomes.
Not people.
Especially not people.
You can do everything right and still… nothing goes the way you expected.
And for the longest time, I kept thinking… life is unfair.
Like something is wrong. Something is off.
Why is this happening to me?
But now it feels like… maybe it’s not unfair.
It’s just uncertain.
And we are just… here… trying to deal with it.
We can only do what we can do.
That’s it.
We can try. We can show up. We can care.
We can make the best decisions with whatever we know in that moment.
But after that… we don’t get to control anything.
We don’t even get to expect the outcome.
No amount of me complaining or praying is going to change anything…
it will just become whatever it becomes.
And I don’t know… that realization feels so humbling.
Like, suddenly, all that pressure to control everything just disappears.
You’re like… okay. Fine.
I’ll just do my part.
And let life be whatever it is.
And weirdly… it feels grounding. So calm that it feels overwhelming and makes me cry at times… on random days, at random moments. It’s weirdly calm…
In that moment, I realize how much in survival mode I was… and how I was constantly occupied with things I cannot control.
Not in a perfect, everything-is-good way.
But in a very real way.
Like I’m not fighting life anymore.
I’m just… in it.
And maybe that’s what it is.
Not clarity.
Not control.
Just being okay… with whatever comes.
And this makes so much sense…
Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana
Ma karma phala hetur bhur ma te sango 'stv akarmani
Some things… You can only learn by experiencing them.
When they say time teaches… life teaches…
YES, it’s true.
But only if you’re able to see it.
To see the lesson.
The good.
The bad.
And just… be okay with it.
And maybe… that’s enough.
That’s life.
All my life, I thought I was mature… that I’ve seen enough struggles.
But life never fails to amaze me.
This feels like a different level of understanding altogether…
And in between all these uncertainties and struggles…
Never forget to live.
to appreciate.
to feel grateful.
Life is beautiful… but only if you make it one.
And I’m really grateful for my ability to feel things deeply…
to take a moment and appreciate all the little and big things that happen to me.
Life is happening to me…
Maybe it’s my gift before I turn 25.
Something I can keep with me… for life.
From myself… to myself.
-Mystery girl
About knowing what I’m doing.
Having the ability.
Having some kind of direction… and just following it.
Like, if I do things right, life will make sense.
But these days… I don’t think that’s what life is.
I think life is about uncertainty.
Like… constantly.
Not knowing what’s going to happen next.
Not knowing how things will turn out.
Not knowing people… even when you think you do.
Being okay with not knowing…
And the worst part?
You can’t control any of it.
Not life.
Not outcomes.
Not people.
Especially not people.
You can do everything right and still… nothing goes the way you expected.
And for the longest time, I kept thinking… life is unfair.
Like something is wrong. Something is off.
Why is this happening to me?
But now it feels like… maybe it’s not unfair.
It’s just uncertain.
And we are just… here… trying to deal with it.
We can only do what we can do.
That’s it.
We can try. We can show up. We can care.
We can make the best decisions with whatever we know in that moment.
But after that… we don’t get to control anything.
We don’t even get to expect the outcome.
No amount of me complaining or praying is going to change anything…
it will just become whatever it becomes.
And I don’t know… that realization feels so humbling.
Like, suddenly, all that pressure to control everything just disappears.
You’re like… okay. Fine.
I’ll just do my part.
And let life be whatever it is.
And weirdly… it feels grounding. So calm that it feels overwhelming and makes me cry at times… on random days, at random moments. It’s weirdly calm…
In that moment, I realize how much in survival mode I was… and how I was constantly occupied with things I cannot control.
Not in a perfect, everything-is-good way.
But in a very real way.
Like I’m not fighting life anymore.
I’m just… in it.
And maybe that’s what it is.
Not clarity.
Not control.
Just being okay… with whatever comes.
And this makes so much sense…
Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana
Ma karma phala hetur bhur ma te sango 'stv akarmani
Some things… You can only learn by experiencing them.
When they say time teaches… life teaches…
YES, it’s true.
But only if you’re able to see it.
To see the lesson.
The good.
The bad.
And just… be okay with it.
And maybe… that’s enough.
That’s life.
All my life, I thought I was mature… that I’ve seen enough struggles.
But life never fails to amaze me.
This feels like a different level of understanding altogether…
And in between all these uncertainties and struggles…
Never forget to live.
to appreciate.
to feel grateful.
Life is beautiful… but only if you make it one.
And I’m really grateful for my ability to feel things deeply…
to take a moment and appreciate all the little and big things that happen to me.
Life is happening to me…
Maybe it’s my gift before I turn 25.
Something I can keep with me… for life.
From myself… to myself.
-Mystery girl
Comments
Post a Comment