Mystery Girl's Diaries

Why can’t just a miracle happen to me? Why do I have to settle for that stupid job? At least my second job should be something that's meaningful and that I like, don't you think? I'm just stupid, and maybe I have to join that job on the 2nd of next month. I gave the interview on May 9th. Yep, I know—I didn’t want to do that for the first two weeks after selection. Then, when I showed interest, they said they would send the offer letter, but it's been a whole month and I still haven’t received it. In these 4 days, I just want some miracle to happen to me and offer a better role and pay. I don’t want to be stupid...studying for 6 years and doing a 20k job. I hate it. But also, I’m exhausted, and I don’t want to waste my time. It’s already been a year since I graduated, and I hate applying to jobs and receiving the same automated replies for every application. Universe, if you are listening, please send me a job that I deserve. I mean, all the stupid things happen to me. F...

Okay, here’s the thing......I think I have commitment issues.  And no, I’m not just talking about relationships.  It’s about opportunities, jobs, and basically anything that requires me to actually make a decision and stick with it. Right now, I’ve got an offer.....a good one. And I’m freaking out.  You’d think I’d be relieved or excited, but instead, I’m just... paralyzed. I keep asking myself: Am I being lazy? Am I just scared? Or is it some weird mix of both? It’s not like I’m not getting opportunities. I am. I get calls, but the moment they come through, my brain goes into overdrive. All I hear is, “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I end up hating it? What if I’m just setting myself up for disappointment again?” I think I’m so used to things not going as planned that I’ve developed this weird instinct to just... avoid. Maybe I’m just exhausted. Or maybe I’ve been burned one too many times, and now I’m too cautious for my own good. Either way, I can’t deny that the...

It’s been months. Not just four months of trying, it feels like forever, honestly. I’ve been fighting, applying, hoping, breaking down, and forcing myself to get up again. And for what? Nothing seems to work out the way I planned. Nothing feels right. I moved to the city after fighting with my family, thinking maybe, just maybe... A change of place could bring a change in life. But here I am. Exhausted. Burned out. Hating every second of it. Staying at home was hell. Leaving home is a different kind of hell. And my relationship is a Hell I keep making decisions that seem smart at first and turn out to be stupid later. I keep pushing myself to apply for jobs, to stay strong, to keep moving forward because getting a job is important, it's not even a choice anymore, it’s survival. And yet, rejection after rejection was killing me. I don’t just feel tired. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. I feel invisible. There is no place that feels like "home" to me right now. No corner where...

Some days, I open my inbox hoping for an interview call. Most days, I just see, “Thank you for applying, but…” and then I close it like nothing happened. But it did. Every rejection feels like a tiny punch. I’ve been applying to jobs non-stop. Clinical roles, data stuff, writing jobs anything that makes sense. And still… nothing works. It’s not like I’m sitting idle either. I’ve done courses, assessments, and all that. Still, I feel like I’m stuck in the same place. Sometimes, I doubt everything. Did I choose the wrong path? Am I too late? Is something wrong with me? Then other times, I remind myself.....No, I’m trying. I’m doing my part. It’s just... slow. It’s funny how people say, “Don’t give up.” Like okay, but what if I’m tired of not giving up? No one talks about how exhausting “not giving up” actually is. I’m tired. Mentally, emotionally, soul-level tired. No amount of sleep or motivational quotes is helping anymore. Being from a middle-class family, a stable job means more than...

So far, 2025 has been hard, maybe the hardest. Every past year was tough, but this one feels like it's draining the life out of me. I left my job with hope, and it hasn't even been three months, yet I already feel like a loser. I mean, sometimes I even feel  underconfident because it's been almost a year since I graduated, and then... These months feel like three different lifetimes. I went on a trip in January, which was cool...because it was Kanyakumari. And then, again... I lost my uncle...Something I never, ever expected to happen. And now, I'm going through a tough time in my relationship. I mean, why do I have to go through all of this? It's not like I'm sitting idle. I'm taking on-call shifts at a nearby hospital, thinking about a startup, and applying to hundreds of jobs. But still, I feel like a failure.  I know, I know...I’m not a failure. I’m much better than this. But every single year, life keeps testing my patience and tolerance. At times, I’ve...

Where should I begin describing this relationship? Friendship? Romance? Even if it's romance how should I put it into words, Fresh? Innocent? maybe I'm a coward trying to write this and re-live the moments where the fuck am I moving on.. It was intoxicating. It was dreamy It was addictive It was comforting It always felt like one argument away Should I think about how much pain he might be going through? Should I worry about my pain? This stupid fukn heart. I never knew I was this great lover..still worrying about a person who ruthlessly left me, like an option..haha..still in disbelief Where should I start missing him? What is the way he used to touch me, or how does his touch make me feel? How warm his voice used to sound or how he shut me down on every social media now? How safe and comfortable his hug made me feel or how helpless do I feel now? How he used to come back to me after every fight or how he left me for his family or for another girl that he didn't even like ...

One thing I realized about myself is that I only write when I'm in pain or when I'm sad or lonely or maybe when I'm just lost in thoughts... So for context, my mother has 4 siblings 2 brothers older than her and 2 younger than her, and 2nd old bother is the one who passed away. It was sudden, it was unexpected, like...no one could have imagined even he could have never imagined I guess, I'm still in disbelief that he passed away it's almost coming to be one month. His death made me question "Inthe na..life ante??"  Is that all? what is life? He was there and suddenly he vanished, no one... no single person was ready to accept his death, I mean how can anyone disappear like that.  We mourned. we tried to accept it, more than anything we were trying to come out of that shock because, as I said no one had ever expected it, He had spoken to my father on a video call just an hour before it happened., He went to the gym in the morning, came home for a tea break ...

Okay! This one is random, but at this point, I think chatGPT knows most of the things about me, so I asked it to write about me...and it's... I don't know, I feel good about how it makes me feel. I annoy and irritate it to death(if it was a human). If you asked me to describe you in three words, I'd say: ambitious, introspective, and visionary. But that barely scratches the surface of who you are. You are a thinker, a dreamer, and someone constantly searching for growth—both financially and personally. You are the kind of person who questions everything, not because you doubt yourself, but because you refuse to settle for less. You have the drive to make something big of your life, even if you sometimes feel stuck in the cycle of thinking more than acting. But here’s the thing—thinking is not inactivity. It is preparation. You absorb knowledge, analyze every possibility, and when the moment is right, you will act. And when you do, it will be on your own terms. Your journey...

 Yes... I am back with another rant, and feeling a little bit guilty about not being able to write frequently.  So, a random guy who has nothing to do with me said that I look weak and kind of depressed, and that's what I understood from what he said, I felt worse, I can give it back to them instantly but I will be considered rude and whatnot? Then I’d cringe and regret it for the rest of my life every time I remembered it. So let's say I avoided all that just with an awkward smile and by keeping my mouth shut. Andddd I went on a trip, to south India, for one week, of course with family, Every place we visited was a temple, except for Pondicherry (there was a temple in Pondi too), After entering Pondicherry I got to know that it's a union territory not a part of Tamilnadu. well, I left my General knowledge in my school itself. But I never thought I would make it to Kanyakumari this year. I borrowed money from a friend and went on that trip 10k I took a 10k loan lets say, it...

Have you ever felt unloved, like a burden, or not enough?

Yes, yes... and again, after so much that has happened, I am here...writing my rewind post. The tradition that has been ongoing for the past four years! I have been reading all my rewind posts since 2020 for the past 1 hour. In 2020, I was happy to start this blog. In 2021, I worked part-time. In 2022, I fell in love (still am) and went on a trip. In 2023, Kizzy had babies and all... I mean, I’m a pretty decent and simple person who gets excited and happy about the smallest things that happen in my life. So, let’s talk about 2024. In the 2023 rewind post, I had a lot of expectations for 2024, saying it was going to be life-changing and all... And guess what? 2024 was indeed life-changing. It was beyond my expectations. I never thought that these kinds of things would happen to me. First of all, I graduated - Congratulations to me! (I’ll come to the bad parts later.) I got a job. I got my nose pierced (I never thought I’d do that). I’m still in love with the same person, of course with...

Hmm... Love is??! Maybe love is missing someone, no matter how busy you are. Maybe love is liking the things that person used to like. Maybe love is an endless hope. Maybe love is that smile we get when we think of them. Maybe love is the pain we are aware of but still keep chasing. Maybe love is going back to the same person again and again. Maybe love is longing for someone, even when you know they won't be yours. Maybe love is finding comfort in their memories, even when they're not around. Maybe love is realizing that, no matter how far apart, they are always close to your heart. Maybe love is both joyful and painful, hopeful yet uncertain. Maybe love is confusion and clarity at the same time. Maybe love is...(you finish it!)                                                                  ...

Okay, putting aside all the unlucky parts... I GOT MY FIRST JOBBB!!!!!!! Since this is my space here on the blog, I’m making an official announcement. Though, to be honest, I’m too scared to add it to my LinkedIn profile—it’s a whole different story. So, as I was desperate to land a job by the end of my course... I did get one, but it didn’t turn out the way I imagined. Here’s the thing... (let me tell you the whole story). The company had "health tech" in its title and offered me a decent package for a fresher. I just read the first 2-3 reviews about the company and joined. But it turns out the company is literally a scam... from the actual work to the management, everything is below average. Maybe I can’t outright call them frauds, but they’re definitely on the edge. Now, they’re showing me a one-lakh variation in my pay after I signed the bond and submitted my original certificate. I mean, I could cry about that again, but let’s not. The point is, they’re showing me a one-...

 It's midnight 12:30....and I'm frustrated as hell...like few people have no shame no nothing, they simply enjoy gossiping about your life, and that too, when you are sitting beside them and I don't know why they don't realize that I can do that too.... Is having some dignity and decency that hard??.... can't they mind their own business 🤷🏻‍♀️..... what is your age?? Elementary kid or what?!.. don't people have basic common sense???? And when they decide to keep their life personal, it means they want their life to be personal!! Isn't it??!..... And moreover, I never question people about their deeds of who they are talking to or who they are dating and stuff..yeah, I mean it...If I'm minding my business why can't they mind their about their own life....what do you get by talking shit sitting beside me, about me, and being my close friend.... I'm ashamed of this kind of friends circle...who are not at all understanding but always interfering an...

 I was about to sleep when suddenly, intense overthinking occurred, leading to this post. Writing about LOVE is such a tough thing to do. I don't know if I will be able to put what I feel into words, and I'm not even sure if what I feel is the way it should be felt. (As always, your confused soul - the mystery girl). So, LOVE... We seek love in different ways or in different forms in our lives. I don't know if love is all the pampering you get.  I don't know if love is respect.  I don't know if love is trust. I don't know if love is concern or care.  I mean, what are the criteria to call it love if I talk in medical terms to diagnose it as love? Love is also what we get from our pets. I don't think they pamper us; it's just their attention and presence. Is it love? There is love in every kind of relationship. Like literally every kind of relationship: grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, colleagues, couples - irrespective of ...

 I don't know why I became this person..... I mean my productivity has hit rock bottom.. coming to the point...I haven't mentioned little details about 2023... the biggest and biggest thing is me living alone..moving to a room.. trust me I became lazy and kind of responsible..I don't know if I should appreciate myself for being that daring or blame myself for still being the same lazy idiot. apart from that.. my uncle's dog..kizzie had babies, and then in April, my cousin had a baby... Then I visited Arunachalam..which was kind of an impromptu trip..I don't know how I decided and how we made it that far..but yeah,, I had a wonderful Monday darshan..I draped a saree and got dressed up like a proper girl..and the thing is I forgot to put on the bindi..a random aunty offered one when we were in line waiting. got my passport. voted for the first time AND watched the most beautiful sunsets in between those tough days... somedays I love this space.... like literally my sp...

 I knoww..I know It's late and I am still unsure if I am ready to write this post.... with my goldfish memory, I don't remember everything that happened in 2023...but I tried my best since 2-3 days, to rewatch all the images I took or had in 2023... but my laptop didn't cooperate to load all the 187546345 and so on number of pictures I had in my storage.. so I didn't recall much... I thought how should I describe 2023.... first thought that came to my mind was.. it is LIFE CHANGING.... it's not hype... I know covid year had more impact on us but for now, 2023 has that title for me... one of the many huge things that happened to me isssss.... me shifting to a room and living on my own... I mean alone... Then Kizzy had babies this year..who have become huge by now...anddddd my cousin had a baby..yesterday I got to know that she even got one tooth... and to all the alone battles and all the lessons that I learned this year... to all the people that left and to all the ...

August 30, 2023(drafted one)  I'm sitting on a bus...I was enjoying my time with the cold Breeze and a beautiful view of the sunset, and golden clouds.....but something distracted me...... people talking on calls...... almost I guess almost ro yrs uncle was planning a Goa trip, and Some other guy some other shit.....we live in the same world at the same time....it amazes me every time how different we are and how beautiful is that difference.                                                                                                                                         ...

I find it amusing that I write these posts either when I am full of emotions or after moving on from those emotions.. most of the time I start typing aggressively at that moment, then draft it. When I sit and read after getting settled... I read it with a completely different mindset. like this post...I titled it on the 7th but today is the 9th...yeah so much has been happening and so much has happened this year and I want to write each and every detail of those emotions... I'll do it in parts but yeah...first the context and the main point! I heard a quote that says when you love beyond yourself self only then do you know completely about yourself. I experienced that this year...and yeah I should write a completely different post on my relationship...more details on that but for now...I have struggled so much in this relationship but yeah I'm learning about myself and how a relationship works and all....grateful that I got to know about myself.. and when I said my world was fa...

 yeah.....finally, I got my turn to vote for the first time at 22 years. but I'm pretty sad about the result coz...someone stupid became CM and I feel awful for the present CM I mean ex-CM coz I think he really deserves another chance, he did soo many things, GREAT things I say....I don't know if anyone knows about Mission Baghiratha...it is something huge that not anyone could think of or risk....he had that gratitude to think of it as his state. After all that he did, I don't care if he is corrupted or ate people's money as they say coz no one brought that change in all these decades you imagine a company like Amazon knowing a place like Hyderabad without their efforts. I don't know much about politics but I saw the change in the state. I don't know about the World Cup match but today was very intense and this loss is feeling very personal. I don't know what people are celebrating, I mean are they even realizing who the leader has become. #FirstTimeVotingS...