Mystery Girl's Diaries

Soo...This year I have decided to give respect only to the people who respect me and to the people who deserve that genuinely... all these days I have been giving respect to people irrespective of their behavior towards me and my parents and the people I love. I decided to not tolerate any more disrespect from anyone... I'm never stopping myself from keeping them in their place...as always I will be giving my damn opinion right on their faces. coz I'm enough hurt by people and what hurts me the most is the people hurting me who don't even deserve to take that respect from me... everything that I  do comes straight from my heart...I don't fake anything, even if I fake it, it comes straight out of my heart and you can literally see that in my face. It is me being exhausted and frustrated dealing with disgusting people and especially people who bitch behind my back. and I tell you, people! no matter who you are...no matter who you are and what you do...no matter what is yo...

Soo in the beautiful course that I chose with my own hands, has a project in 5 years. For that project, I had to visit schools...we visited a private school and a government school in this process... It was a hell and heaven experience...of course nostalgia hit me in between... Private school was a bit easy....the kids understood the questionnaire a bit quickly they were disciplined (almost). but govt school...OMG...it was a scary experience... they were not at all behaving like students...it was almost a jungle and I felt like I was in between a group of monkeys. ...we lost our minds at the end of the day after watching all the drama over there. Then I got angry...I rant about it to everyone I met after that.. really frustrating coz..coz even the faculty there was ridiculous..the way they communicated the way they received us was really ridiculous...I was really angry with them for their behavior... And then I got angry about the whole govt education system...I mean how many funds do ...

Well, 2022 was nice to me...I had good and bad days, it was a year to remember. This year I have to cut people off, I literally deleted a few people's mobile numbers and just stopped having those "fake conversations". This year I learned to value myself and remove myself where I don't feel like I have been respected. However, in 2023. I want to focus on myself and me growing as a person in every way. let me make a list of things for 2023. 1. I'm going to write more this year...if possible I want to journal regularly or in the blog.also, i need to focus on my hobbies at this rate i might forget my drawing and painting skills. 2. I'm going to work on myself...I really have to work on my anger issues, my overthinking, and the stress that I take for unnecessary. 3. and of course as my course is coming to an end I'm going to work for my career...something useful. 4. I'm going to earn this year and save the form the little I have. 5. I want to have a healthy...

These days I'm a little occupied with things and i know I rarely write these days, lets's just put it aside.... This year was everything that I needed... And I was looking at my new year's resolution list...which was... 1. I want to go on trips I don't limit it by saying at least one- I am going on tours or trips whatever, I am traveling that's it. 2. I am not spending money on unwanted things and think before spending 3. I am not going to overthink anything- I am living every moment that's it no more recollection of things, especially the cringing moments 4. I should learn something or earn something by the end of 2022 5. Stay sane, peaceful, and calm- I really have anger issues..so I should try to be patient 6. Last but not least- be confident, believe in me--it's not overconfidence- you should have some self-confidence girl. It's kind of funny(I cringed a bit) to reread it....but yeah I did most of it...I definitely manifested my traveling thing... I ...

 Hmm... that's how I feel these days...when I said these past few months have been a little tough...I mean it....it's. Hard these days... I'm just trying to survive day to day.... it's not that great...and I'm trying a whole lot to not be that way.... I'm trying and trying... But even when I'm trying.....I get tired....I wish I could feel how I feel....I want to feel all the sadness in one day but it doesn't work that way.... it's not easy to move on from whatever you are feeling emotionally.. I know I feel stupid myself to be talking all the wise words when I'm not even able to control my emotions....I feel like an idiot...I romanticize my emotional sadness and try to apply it to everyone... You know they refer to emotional monkey or monkey emotions or monkey mind something like this that that is what I'm, I'm an idiot of my emotions and I can't handle them sometimes, it's like a flood or tsunami of emotions I can't help but ...

 I know it has been soo long... let's say these days, I am out of track. Or you can say I am occupied with soo much..or you can say I found someone with who I can rant randomly. The truth is this project thing that messing up my head, Then, of course, I was not feeling great mentally most of the time, there were a few bursts outs once in a while, but yeah I guess I'm okay, this is a mess is what makes me ME. The irony is I also had great times in between, probably some of the best times. it's really weird that these two months were, how should I say....typically confusing or a perfect balance of... two extremes like love and hate, sadness and happiness everything happened. okay, what I have realized is hanging in there and holding on to things even if the days get tough....maybe between these days, I forgot to love myself, yeah once in a while everyone needs to remind themself to love themself....whoever, reads this, love yourself a little more today.         ...

CHANGE. Well, recently I have been to my HOME, I don't know if this is a condition but when I travel I think it's not even thinking it's kind of analysis if I can say  I just slipped my brain to 5 years back this time..all those times in 2018 I have gone through, and suddenly   I'm here in 2024 in 5th year...How the times have changed.Once upon I was scared to travel alone and now I want to travel alone somewhere now... How impulsive and aggressive I used to be in those years, so many things have changed, I used to be super annoyed by people, and I still get annoyed by people but that doesn't bother me like it used to be... Maybe it's that phase of life where you have to realize that people and nothing changes, irrespective of your likes and dislikes...still we are lucky enough to avoid certain things and people whom we don't like...we have to feel lucky for that, at least we have that option in our hands. What I feel proud of myself for is I have never forc...