Mystery Girl's Diaries

 To the readers: so he is this mystery girl's mystery friend for a long time and he is one of the mystery readers of this blog, not a frequent one but once in a while one. Umm so he always wanted me to write something about him in this blog, I thought about writing something for his birthday but maybe this is the right time, or maybe this is how he manifested it. Huh! Okay now here goes the Letter. (God please make him cry by the end of this letter (sorry it was the Psycho me)). Dear friend,  T he one  who "was" sorry, who "is" my friend for a long time, The one  actually close friend kind of best friend, you were really close to me, The one  whom I valued the most, The one  whom I trusted the most that I could even with my trust issues, You "were" I mean you "are" a really good friend of mine.   Okay, short break now, This is for readers- What happened is he lied to me and hid one of the biggest things of his life, after being friends with m...

 It is an Instagram page that I like most.  and this post is relatable more than anything. maybe I have to read this now and then. this post absolutely felt like me. She was weird. She pretended to be a tigress, but she had a heart of a fluffy little kitten. She was just adorable, too sweet for this world. And she knew this. She learned it the hard way. She was too nice to too many people who took advantage of her soft heart and caring soul. She was angry. She was frustrated. But she still could not change that beautiful heart. It was still too pure. And people kept on playing with her emotions. So to save herself, she faked to be extra strong, emotionless, and just savage. It made her sound rude to people. Even she felt that she was being bad to people. But then she was happy that at least she was in peace now. Alone, vulnerable, weak, a mess, but there was peace in that loneliness. Was she happy? Not really. She was always at war with herself. There were always a million thi...

 having a friend like me is the worst thing you could ever ask for. I am not a give-it-all-in kind of person..I am a stay-away and watch kind of person. I don't know how people even like or like to have a friend like me. I am so much a selfish and self-centered person..you can consider me a toxic friend maybe. I cannot be a selfless friend ever It's hard for me to trust people and make friends. I take years to make a "friend"... I am rude, I might even hurt people with my words most of the time. and one of my toxic traits of mine is if a friend does something which hurts me or does lie to me...I start to question the same thing every person in my life...like I get trust issues with everyone. I hate the expectations that people have of me in any relationship that I have and also I do expect something from them which is the thing I hate most...maybe that is why it's hard for me to become closer to people. the thing is I don't want to hurt people and I don't ...

Isn't it one of the most annoying things in a human? Well, I find it very irritating. what does possessiveness mean to you? Of course, everyone has a different view...some may feel it or take it in a positive way. I didn't find it better in any way, I mean how much possessiveness is too much and how much is minimum, even minimum sounds annoying too. I saw possessive parents, friends, and possessive "one" from a couple....whatever the relationship may be being possessive can be uncomfortable at some point. The irony is the people who are possessive can be allowed to be with everyone and do the things they want but not the same with the person they are possessive about. Isn't it like setting rules for a person you love to live a life as you want? I hate anyone being possessive of me, I just maintain my distance from them...coz what does it mean to be only with them always and not with others...I mean we are living a life, we have to befriend people in our surronding...

 releasing this today from drafts...coz it just felt funny reading that now, I was maybe overreacting...It seems but it's okay to react in such a way it's just humane. 18-5-22: Okay...I am writing this post in anger you can say... I had or have a childhood friend who was my classmate... Things change...I had to move to another city... We used to stay in touch. But that person seemed to fade away... I thought that person just moved on Maybe...I didn't feel that importance of her telling me things...she just forgot me I guess... maybe people change and their priorities change. No matter what we always had that place in my life...but I don't think it will last forever... This forever kind of thing really doesn't work out...there is nothing forever.. without any change... And that scares me the most... having a forever friend is not happening in this world or in my life...how I am gonna find a person who stays forever with me..this is some serious shit to me. And I am n...

I am not posting too much these days, coz I am in love, I'll be back when I am heartbroken...😆😆 I wish I could mean these lines...IYKYK. mayyy was not easy. coz I carried some of the dark days. There are still 10 more days I guess...I don't know how it will be...but the past few days have not been easy...those were days of self-doubt, self-questioning kind of... it's okay it can happen to humans once in a while. however and whatever, I am normal again. and earlier this month I forgot to mention I went on a short trip I don't think it was a trip at all...with the same old faces. and the best part was a night's stay in a university hostel, which I never thought I would, maybe I never visit again too...that was quite interesting. and my childhood friend is angry with me, irony is I don't know the reason, I did all that I had to from my side rest is her choice. It reminded me that...after all, we are humans, and nothing is constant...what I learned is to embrace t...

Today I realized a beautiful thing just like that in between a conversation, being open-minded in this generation is a "mandatory generation" so is open-hearted. and I am the worst at it...I suck at being open-hearted. To whoever reading this, try to be open-hearted please don't live a life like mine. I am a sooo shallow-minded person ever and I just realized it...there is no point in being open-minded and being so mature if have an open heart to forgive or accept the harsh realities of life. Maybe we need time for a few things to absorb but I am not like that...I take years to forgive and to accept things that happen, tell me I am not open-hearted, how stupid I am, sheeyyy. I do hate myself sometimes for some reason and this is one of those times...I don't know what's gonna run through my head from now but I have to learn and unlearn so many things. I had to change myself a lot, seriously my brain just became blank after this...I need some time I guess?!         ...