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A FRIEND LIKE ME

 having a friend like me is the worst thing you could ever ask for.

I am not a give-it-all-in kind of person..I am a stay-away and watch kind of person.

I don't know how people even like or like to have a friend like me.

I am so much a selfish and self-centered person..you can consider me a toxic friend maybe.

I cannot be a selfless friend ever

It's hard for me to trust people and make friends.

I take years to make a "friend"... I am rude, I might even hurt people with my words most of the time.

and one of my toxic traits of mine is if a friend does something which hurts me or does lie to me...I start to question the same thing every person in my life...like I get trust issues with everyone.

I hate the expectations that people have of me in any relationship that I have and also I do expect something from them which is the thing I hate most...maybe that is why it's hard for me to become closer to people. the thing is I don't want to hurt people and I don't want people to expect something from me. I don't want people depending on me too much for whatever the reasons, it's not like I am not interested in people's business but getting too much involved might hurt someday or maybe it will be hard when I'll be not available to them

I don't know why I am like this but I suggest anyone be not like me...there will be people who genuinely care for you, and wants to be with you don't lose them....well, maybe i lost them, or maybe I never met them, coz it's not like I have and never had this person in my life who gets me all the time.

I am just an emotional creature bundling all emotions with a hair-thin bubble that can break at any moment, of course, most of the time that happens bcoz of those few "my people". I don't want that to happen at all coz, as I said I hate hurting people.

That friend of mine that I mentioned in my recent post, didn't receive my calls like I did so many times, I apologized without even knowing the reason, I value that person, and that person matters to me, but it doesn't mean I don't have myself respect, I do deserve an explanation and we are not kids, I don't force anything, so neither friendship nor explanation, it's their choice. waking up early putting all that mess here, huh!! that is what a person can do to an overthinking personality like me. it feels a little better after putting it here,  good morning to me and now I am going to have a good day.


                                                                                                                                     - Mystery girl



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