Mystery Girl's Diaries

So far, 2025 has been hard, maybe the hardest. Every past year was tough, but this one feels like it's draining the life out of me. I left my job with hope, and it hasn't even been three months, yet I already feel like a loser. I mean, sometimes I even feel  underconfident because it's been almost a year since I graduated, and then... These months feel like three different lifetimes. I went on a trip in January, which was cool...because it was Kanyakumari. And then, again... I lost my uncle...Something I never, ever expected to happen. And now, I'm going through a tough time in my relationship. I mean, why do I have to go through all of this? It's not like I'm sitting idle. I'm taking on-call shifts at a nearby hospital, thinking about a startup, and applying to hundreds of jobs. But still, I feel like a failure.  I know, I know...I’m not a failure. I’m much better than this. But every single year, life keeps testing my patience and tolerance. At times, I’ve...

Where should I begin describing this relationship? Friendship? Romance? Even if it's romance how should I put it into words, Fresh? Innocent? maybe I'm a coward trying to write this and re-live the moments where the fuck am I moving on.. It was intoxicating. It was dreamy It was addictive It was comforting It always felt like one argument away Should I think about how much pain he might be going through? Should I worry about my pain? This stupid fukn heart. I never knew I was this great lover..still worrying about a person who ruthlessly left me, like an option..haha..still in disbelief Where should I start missing him? What is the way he used to touch me, or how does his touch make me feel? How warm his voice used to sound or how he shut me down on every social media now? How safe and comfortable his hug made me feel or how helpless do I feel now? How he used to come back to me after every fight or how he left me for his family or for another girl that he didn't even like ...

One thing I realized about myself is that I only write when I'm in pain or when I'm sad or lonely or maybe when I'm just lost in thoughts... So for context, my mother has 4 siblings 2 brothers older than her and 2 younger than her, and 2nd old bother is the one who passed away. It was sudden, it was unexpected, like...no one could have imagined even he could have never imagined I guess, I'm still in disbelief that he passed away it's almost coming to be one month. His death made me question "Inthe na..life ante??"  Is that all? what is life? He was there and suddenly he vanished, no one... no single person was ready to accept his death, I mean how can anyone disappear like that.  We mourned. we tried to accept it, more than anything we were trying to come out of that shock because, as I said no one had ever expected it, He had spoken to my father on a video call just an hour before it happened., He went to the gym in the morning, came home for a tea break ...

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know this..no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I wish things were different, I will always be grateful for you. You were the only person I let in, the one I trusted when I usually trusted no one. And that wasn’t easy for me. You made me feel safe, you made me believe and now I have to unlearn all of it. Do you know how cruel that is?, Pretending I don’t miss it? Even now, in this unbearable ache, I can’t erase what we had. Because it was real. It mattered. And that’s what makes this even harder. I don’t get to hate you. I don’t get to pretend you were just a lesson. You were my home. I won’t erase what we had. I won’t pretend it didn’t mean something.  I wish I could be angry. I wish I could walk away without looking back. But the truth is, I will always hold this part of my life in my heart, and I will hold it until I die. Even if it breaks me. Even if I have to carry it alone now. So, Thank you. Thank you for making me trust, ...