Mystery Girl's Diaries

I don't know if I should call myself greedy, but... I expect a lot, but still I end up with average or below average options in my life...with everything that I do...I don't know where it's going wrong, if it's my efforts or destiny?? let's me come to the updates part... - I'm still trying to process my uncle's death... It's still very hard to believe, and I don't know what my cousins are going through...I wish the universe would give them more power to face all things in life.. - My cousin got engaged and is going to get married in the next months, so yeah, these days weekends are a bit busy with her marriage shopping, also mine, not my marriage but my shopping for her marriage.. - still trying to love this job...so far it's going good.. - but the pay part is still bothering me, it's hardly 25k+ - Also, one part of my heart is suggesting that I should do a master's, but I'm bothered by what if I end up with average things again...at ...

 This feels kinda time capsule... omg I wrote it in 2021..(baby me). soo i was watching a  RUN  BTS  where they were writing a letter to their future self...so I got inspired and I wrote one for me..I had tears when I read this for the first time( I don't know when I read this exactly,y but I definitely read it after graduation)..i haven't edited a single line from it... ------------ This time I am high on BTS... okay, so recently when I was watching BTS, there was a run bts episode where they wrote letters to themselves... I was like..yeah I have to do this..this is crazy... So a letter to myself, obviously to my future self... Okay, when should I read this🤔🤔...okayyy you are going to read this after your graduation in 2024. I hope this letter brings a smile and a little hope at the end of this letter. Uhh...hey girl..I mean mystery girl..hai..baunnava..I hope you are healthy. And are you happy? Hope you are..even if you are not..still it's okay... That's not a ne...

Hellowww... I have joined this company called Qure.ai, which sounded and felt interesting, and they also offered slightly better pay compared to other offers I had. A few offers were even worse - they were offering 15-20k. I mean, I did a doctoral degree for nothing? However, it wasn't an easy process. Staying unemployed for 6 months was very stressful....I felt like I was stuck, useless, maybe not talented enough, because I was this kid who had waited all these years to be financially independent. But I'm also not the kind of person who is okay with just anything that happens to me...you know, basically I'm a person who questions everything and can only commit and proceed if I'm satisfied with the answers. So in that moment, this offer felt like a better option. It's contract work based on the project, which is for 11 months. It's going okay for now, so yeah, let's see what's in store for me ahead. Am I fully satisfied? No. This isn’t the career path...

Why can’t just a miracle happen to me? Why do I have to settle for that stupid job? At least my second job should be something that's meaningful and that I like, don't you think? I'm just stupid, and maybe I have to join that job on the 2nd of next month. I gave the interview on May 9th. Yep, I know—I didn’t want to do that for the first two weeks after selection. Then, when I showed interest, they said they would send the offer letter, but it's been a whole month and I still haven’t received it. In these 4 days, I just want some miracle to happen to me and offer a better role and pay. I don’t want to be stupid...studying for 6 years and doing a 20k job. I hate it. But also, I’m exhausted, and I don’t want to waste my time. It’s already been a year since I graduated, and I hate applying to jobs and receiving the same automated replies for every application. Universe, if you are listening, please send me a job that I deserve. I mean, all the stupid things happen to me. F...

Okay, here’s the thing......I think I have commitment issues.  And no, I’m not just talking about relationships.  It’s about opportunities, jobs, and basically anything that requires me to actually make a decision and stick with it. Right now, I’ve got an offer.....a good one. And I’m freaking out.  You’d think I’d be relieved or excited, but instead, I’m just... paralyzed. I keep asking myself: Am I being lazy? Am I just scared? Or is it some weird mix of both? It’s not like I’m not getting opportunities. I am. I get calls, but the moment they come through, my brain goes into overdrive. All I hear is, “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I end up hating it? What if I’m just setting myself up for disappointment again?” I think I’m so used to things not going as planned that I’ve developed this weird instinct to just... avoid. Maybe I’m just exhausted. Or maybe I’ve been burned one too many times, and now I’m too cautious for my own good. Either way, I can’t deny that the...

It’s been months. Not just four months of trying, it feels like forever, honestly. I’ve been fighting, applying, hoping, breaking down, and forcing myself to get up again. And for what? Nothing seems to work out the way I planned. Nothing feels right. I moved to the city after fighting with my family, thinking maybe, just maybe... A change of place could bring a change in life. But here I am. Exhausted. Burned out. Hating every second of it. Staying at home was hell. Leaving home is a different kind of hell. And my relationship is a Hell I keep making decisions that seem smart at first and turn out to be stupid later. I keep pushing myself to apply for jobs, to stay strong, to keep moving forward because getting a job is important, it's not even a choice anymore, it’s survival. And yet, rejection after rejection was killing me. I don’t just feel tired. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. I feel invisible. There is no place that feels like "home" to me right now. No corner where...