Mystery Girl's Diaries

 I was about to sleep when suddenly, intense overthinking occurred, leading to this post. Writing about LOVE is such a tough thing to do. I don't know if I will be able to put what I feel into words, and I'm not even sure if what I feel is the way it should be felt. (As always, your confused soul - the mystery girl). So, LOVE... We seek love in different ways or in different forms in our lives. I don't know if love is all the pampering you get.  I don't know if love is respect.  I don't know if love is trust. I don't know if love is concern or care.  I mean, what are the criteria to call it love if I talk in medical terms to diagnose it as love? Love is also what we get from our pets. I don't think they pamper us; it's just their attention and presence. Is it love? There is love in every kind of relationship. Like literally every kind of relationship: grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, colleagues, couples - irrespective of ...

 I don't know why I became this person..... I mean my productivity has hit rock bottom.. coming to the point...I haven't mentioned little details about 2023... the biggest and biggest thing is me living alone..moving to a room.. trust me I became lazy and kind of responsible..I don't know if I should appreciate myself for being that daring or blame myself for still being the same lazy idiot. apart from that.. my uncle's dog..kizzie had babies, and then in April, my cousin had a baby... Then I visited Arunachalam..which was kind of an impromptu trip..I don't know how I decided and how we made it that far..but yeah,, I had a wonderful Monday darshan..I draped a saree and got dressed up like a proper girl..and the thing is I forgot to put on the bindi..a random aunty offered one when we were in line waiting. got my passport. voted for the first time AND watched the most beautiful sunsets in between those tough days... somedays I love this space.... like literally my sp...

 I knoww..I know It's late and I am still unsure if I am ready to write this post.... with my goldfish memory, I don't remember everything that happened in 2023...but I tried my best since 2-3 days, to rewatch all the images I took or had in 2023... but my laptop didn't cooperate to load all the 187546345 and so on number of pictures I had in my storage.. so I didn't recall much... I thought how should I describe 2023.... first thought that came to my mind was.. it is LIFE CHANGING.... it's not hype... I know covid year had more impact on us but for now, 2023 has that title for me... one of the many huge things that happened to me isssss.... me shifting to a room and living on my own... I mean alone... Then Kizzy had babies this year..who have become huge by now...anddddd my cousin had a baby..yesterday I got to know that she even got one tooth... and to all the alone battles and all the lessons that I learned this year... to all the people that left and to all the ...

August 30, 2023(drafted one)  I'm sitting on a bus...I was enjoying my time with the cold Breeze and a beautiful view of the sunset, and golden clouds.....but something distracted me...... people talking on calls...... almost I guess almost ro yrs uncle was planning a Goa trip, and Some other guy some other shit.....we live in the same world at the same time....it amazes me every time how different we are and how beautiful is that difference.                                                                                                                                         ...

I find it amusing that I write these posts either when I am full of emotions or after moving on from those emotions.. most of the time I start typing aggressively at that moment, then draft it. When I sit and read after getting settled... I read it with a completely different mindset. like this post...I titled it on the 7th but today is the 9th...yeah so much has been happening and so much has happened this year and I want to write each and every detail of those emotions... I'll do it in parts but yeah...first the context and the main point! I heard a quote that says when you love beyond yourself self only then do you know completely about yourself. I experienced that this year...and yeah I should write a completely different post on my relationship...more details on that but for now...I have struggled so much in this relationship but yeah I'm learning about myself and how a relationship works and all....grateful that I got to know about myself.. and when I said my world was fa...

 yeah.....finally, I got my turn to vote for the first time at 22 years. but I'm pretty sad about the result coz...someone stupid became CM and I feel awful for the present CM I mean ex-CM coz I think he really deserves another chance, he did soo many things, GREAT things I say....I don't know if anyone knows about Mission Baghiratha...it is something huge that not anyone could think of or risk....he had that gratitude to think of it as his state. After all that he did, I don't care if he is corrupted or ate people's money as they say coz no one brought that change in all these decades you imagine a company like Amazon knowing a place like Hyderabad without their efforts. I don't know much about politics but I saw the change in the state. I don't know about the World Cup match but today was very intense and this loss is feeling very personal. I don't know what people are celebrating, I mean are they even realizing who the leader has become. #FirstTimeVotingS...

 There I said it... of course...because forgiving and forgetting IS BS! (bullshit). really! does anyone reallyy..really forget something they did?? or something that happened to them??? IT IS ONLY ACCEPTING AND MOVING ON!!! and that part, that hurts, is neither easy to accept nor to forget. Things like surviving, struggling, getting hurt, healing....... nothing is easy in life... I mean literally nothing is easy, everything is hard and every day is one kind of struggle... BUT  it never occurs in our head that these things are hard... we have normalized it soo much that we blame ourselves, we feel bad and we also guilt trip.  It's not everyone's cup of tea to be strong and take it easy to forgive and forget. It is okay to be different, feel different, and it's okay if we feel difficult coz that's how it is supposed to be.... on the other hand I'll say...everything is as we think and as we feel...if we think it's hard it will be hard... it's US who gives power...