Skip to main content

I was reading My posts

Basically, I write as I think and I don't check the written lines coz I will lose the thought chain and it flows naturally...

I was checking the stats, and I don't know if someone read my posts, they all were showing on the stats, so I started opening one after another, and these are posts that I wrote in 2020 and 2021.....Poor baby, she wasn't even 20 or barely 20....

I remember the days I was depressed and life felt like hell....now let's say I got eagle eye view...I still cry...I still feel blues and greys, but not constantly. I get back up....but that period of my time was like something next level....like reality hit me on a different level...I started maintaining emotional distance from people... let's say I don't like people... because each and every person is faking...and thinking of their benifits...their is not genuine connection especially in blood relations except my mother and brother in my lifee...they are the only selfless people I have..and even they cant show or love me loudly coz they had thir traumas and their life all the way...and beacuse of them I am the perosn i am today..

You know I don't even remember most parts of my life... because I was in my survival mode all the way .....I just kept telling myself that it will get better since the beginning...I don't know if it got better...But I learnt coping and understanding, and reasoning things..

I just don't know ..I feel bad for her...but yeah, I am living and learning because of her, actually thanks to that depressive episode of my life...Actually, I always wanted to be seen, to be heard, understood, and wanted...but these things come from other people, which is not in your control... 

And you know the funny part? I don't even know how to accept those things..

I love how she was...nothing like me but me...


                                                                                                            -Mystery Girl


Labels:

Comments

  1. Rapid PhysicaAugust 1, 2025 at 11:18 PM

    I feel that "I have seen you grow." I've read your post and experienced your emotions, including anger and struggle. It seems that you are 25. You have a lot to learn.

    Before I forget, let me wish you a Happy Rakshabandhan.

    My blessings are with you.

    Enjoy !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mystery Girl's DiariesAugust 20, 2025 at 12:24 PM

      Thank you so much for your kind words and blessings 🙏... It means a lot that you’ve been part of my writing journey. Wishing you a very Happy Rakshabandhan too!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love is..??

Hmm... Love is??! Maybe love is missing someone, no matter how busy you are. Maybe love is liking the things that person used to like. Maybe love is an endless hope. Maybe love is that smile we get when we think of them. Maybe love is the pain we are aware of but still keep chasing. Maybe love is going back to the same person again and again. Maybe love is longing for someone, even when you know they won't be yours. Maybe love is finding comfort in their memories, even when they're not around. Maybe love is realizing that, no matter how far apart, they are always close to your heart. Maybe love is both joyful and painful, hopeful yet uncertain. Maybe love is confusion and clarity at the same time. Maybe love is...(you finish it!)                                                                  ...
5 comments
Read more

so far 2025 is...

So far, 2025 has been hard, maybe the hardest. Every past year was tough, but this one feels like it's draining the life out of me. I left my job with hope, and it hasn't even been three months, yet I already feel like a loser. I mean, sometimes I even feel  underconfident because it's been almost a year since I graduated, and then... These months feel like three different lifetimes. I went on a trip in January, which was cool...because it was Kanyakumari. And then, again... I lost my uncle...Something I never, ever expected to happen. And now, I'm going through a tough time in my relationship. I mean, why do I have to go through all of this? It's not like I'm sitting idle. I'm taking on-call shifts at a nearby hospital, thinking about a startup, and applying to hundreds of jobs. But still, I feel like a failure.  I know, I know...I’m not a failure. I’m much better than this. But every single year, life keeps testing my patience and tolerance. At times, I’ve...
8 comments
Read more

Commitment Issues or Am I Just Lazy or Scared?

Okay, here’s the thing......I think I have commitment issues.  And no, I’m not just talking about relationships.  It’s about opportunities, jobs, and basically anything that requires me to actually make a decision and stick with it. Right now, I’ve got an offer.....a good one. And I’m freaking out.  You’d think I’d be relieved or excited, but instead, I’m just... paralyzed. I keep asking myself: Am I being lazy? Am I just scared? Or is it some weird mix of both? It’s not like I’m not getting opportunities. I am. I get calls, but the moment they come through, my brain goes into overdrive. All I hear is, “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I end up hating it? What if I’m just setting myself up for disappointment again?” I think I’m so used to things not going as planned that I’ve developed this weird instinct to just... avoid. Maybe I’m just exhausted. Or maybe I’ve been burned one too many times, and now I’m too cautious for my own good. Either way, I can’t deny that the...
3 comments
Read more