Mystery Girl's Diaries

 I want a forever. I am sorry, but I want nothing less. I want someone who will stay. I want to grow old with someone, sharing every day, sharing the little things. And yes, I also want to have the same excitement and passion, even on our last day on earth. So you are not allowed to get bored of me or anything that I do. When I smile at you, it should not be "I have seen that smile a million times." No, I want to see that longing in your eyes that you too want to join me in a smile. I am a crazy person. I do the silliest of things. And I want you to react to them, the same way. If you scream at me, scream forever. If you throw a pillow at me for taunting you, throw the pillow forever. If you find me cute when I kiss your forehead, then give me the same warm look forever. Are you getting me? I want everything to last, forever, the same way. I don’t want the love to fizzle out. I don’t want the intensity to lose steam with years. I don’t want you to ever get bored of me or my t...

  “are goodbyes ever easy?” . “no, they are not supposed to be.” . “i’ll miss you. i suppose, i’m myself the most when i am with you, you know?” . “it’s okay.” . that was my last conversation with him. letting go is probably the most difficult thing to do. deep down, all you want is to hug that person tightly and tell them to stay, but you smile and wish them luck instead. it’s not easy for you to make bonds and get close to people. you get attached too quickly, and then you try to hold on to them, for as long as you can. with them, you feel like yourself. you share the same kind of taste in music and you find comfort in each other’s presence. you don’t smile the same way, with anyone else. you have so many memories together, and all you want is to run back to that familiar feeling. life is never constant. people come and go. it haunts us when people leave, but we can carry only so much hurt and heartbreak in our palms, and we eventually heal. we start over and give new definitions...

 This is the thing I have been observing around me for the past few days... and let me tell you this is the thing I hate THE most. I hate when people start depending on me emotionally, kind of clingy which I don't like at all..that is why I stay away from emotionally connecting to people, let's say emotional distance... now...what happens when you emotionally depend on someone? there are so many cons compared to pros... first of all emotional dependency can be seen in every kind of relationship, between family members, friends, lovers, etc, etc,. so what happens when you emotionally depend on someone is...you expect...you become possessive, you want all of them even occupying their own space. emotional dependency is great until it is equal from both sides and when the opposite person is wise enough to understand them and make the other one understand about their needs. At some point, it becomes your weakness to be emotionally dependent on others and it becomes equally annoying ...

 https://youtu.be/TTdbnc2ayys  I was watching this video..and felt wow..it was relatable, it was like a moment of realization...that he spoke the truth... As he says... everyone has to go through something dark in their lives to realize something bigger than that... It's not depression or anxiety...we as souls get drained at some point in our lives and just hit that rock bottom and life is all about dwelling on that dark phase and coming out from that...as he says in that most of them don't get out of that but some people come out of that with a level of spiritual or emotional awareness... Yep..that is absolutely correct...some people don't get that and suffer for a long time and people who face that and raise again will live a different life...it's like their rebirth... Well, I guess it's a beautiful process like a caterpillar to a butterfly and everyone should experience that to realize a few things about their lives to change their perspective and maybe more than...

 Let's say I have seen the roots and ends of almost 4 hospitals till now. and each of them gave me a completely different vibe, one taught me how lucky I am without any diseases, other one taught me that life is short, don't spoil on your own, the other has exposed me to the darkest side of the commercialized hospital, the last one on this list is the one that I am visiting for my project at present...its a pediatric one... It is just scaring me how scary it is to have kids, I mean not scary but if my kids get sick OMG I am gonna freak out, or ill get sick with them😂... I just realized how precious kids are and of course, a sensitive issue physically, and emotionally to their parents, I learned how much taking care of kids is important, and I saw days-old babies frequently.... after all these things looking back on the things, I have been exposed to, I realized I feel a little too much than required, I don't know why I am this kind of absorbable thing to emotions... but on...

Where is the pause button for my life...I need a breakk...why is it so tiring for a person like me who is just a college student...  I don't know what's going to happen in my life and I am super stressed thinking about all the possibilities  that could happen..i Phew... There are soo many things that I have to share but before that let me remind you, of course, I meant me... Stay calm no matter what just don't lose your shit(peace)... and don't rush into things, just don't rush into conclusions ....takeee time, I said and repeat 'take time'...you are still young and irrespective of age, getting old and all.....everybody has time and "everything" has a time...things happen when they are meant to, just don't overthink.                                                                           ...

 What are or what should be basic human priorities?? Are there any standards for setting priorities? Do priorities fall under selfishness or self-care? Do they do any good? After having so many questions like this in my head and having read all those books, I have answered myself. Setting your priorities is self-care and don't care about what people think about it. and no matter what your priority should be you, in every kind of relationship, work, or anything that you are investing your time into. coz everything changes but in the end, you remain with yourself, your priority should be you always and ever. and never trust or fall into the words like "you are my priority", or "you are the most important". people change, and so do priorities. you must be your everything first. maybe I wanted to hear all these things for myself                                             ...

Hello me! after a while... Well, life is going in a flow, nothing great nor bad, All I want to be now is carefree, I know I don't do much, I don't even have great responsibilities too, but being an overthinker I just want to be carefree, just like those birds which fly in the sky I don't know if I am stressed or tired, I don't know if it's me or the people around me, I don't know.., I just want to be a little carefree, form everything in my life, I don't want to think before or after anything I do, I don't want to think about what people think, I don't want to think if I hurt people or not, I don't want to be responsible for my actions, I don't want to blame myself or others, for just one single time, I want to run away from everything that I am surrounded with, just like those birds, I want to fly in that void away from everything, With an empty head and zero emotions,                                  ...