Mystery Girl's Diaries

 https://youtu.be/pCXZKv8tmTQ  okay this video made me think of "my" phase, which I never talked about, maybe I was scared of that thing , maybe I was trying to avoid that thing/hiding it within me.  now the time has come, I have to say yes I went through this thing called "DEPRESSION". the first thing i never share it with any single person becaz i don't think they take mental illness just like physical illness they will consider it as madness and again they start judging you and more over they bring this thing again and again in your life no matter how happy you are (i mean they keep reminding you).  coming to "my phase" i don't think i have a single reason for its cause. there are so many factors that influenced me, from my academic stress to family situations, i felt so much pressure on me. suddenly there was so much sadness in my life and i wasn't able to handle it. i used to cry like an idiot, i felt helpless... i never felt like that som...

 Why don't people admit the things they do and how they make feel others... if you make someone feel something and you know it. then why don't you admit that shit Mann. do I look like stupid fu*k to people... I mean I am a human being too, I can sense things too and I can say that my gut feelings never go wrong. and what makes me go crazy is they ask me the bullshit they do and say I never meant it...what I am I? an idiot?. why do they do this kinda shit when they don't have some confidence to say something directly and lie very easily? like how? why? and they make an opposite person feel like shit okay whatever I am no more interested in dealing with nonsense anymore, just wanna say never make someone feel bad for what you have done to them just admit it.                                                                 ...

 Yeah...these days my hostel to college journeys have become annoying and a little scary... Today I was returning home again because of this stupid lockdown againnn... don't know why but this time I was not at all feeling to go home. However, I am home now. So last time when I was traveling in a bus there was some drunk Psycho person...he stared at me continuously (I was really scared by that stare) and he was doing something with his mobile, don't know what he did but it appeared like he was clicking pictures 😑😑😑 and today I was going to bus stand in an auto he was asking that should he come to drop me till railway station 😑( I'll usually travel in train for which I have to take a bus to go there). Anddd those weird stares omg,whyy? Whyy a girl has to face this all isn't it because of this stupid society, no matter how much freedom a girl gets for their family they have to face all this shit in this society just because she is a girl. Technically I am not that attr...

 You can love someone and still choose to say good bye to them..... you can miss a person everyday and still be glad that they are no longer in your life. 

          this is one of my favourite songs, this lyrics has that confusion that I have, I mean this is just beautifully written, that I relate to... have you ever listened to something like "a song that feels like a warm hug", if it's real then it is one of those for me.                                                             Kaadani nuvvantunnadee..  Avunani vinipistunnadee.. nijamenaa O.. kaadani nuvvantunnadee Avunani vinipistunnadee.. nijamenaa Emo.. emannaano Emo.. em vinnaavo Em kaavaalantunnadee Atu itu ooge nee madee.. telisenaa Em kaavaalantunnadee Atu itu ooge nee madee.. telisenaa Emo.. em kaavaalo Tanakee.. teluso ledo Emo.. em kaavaalo Tanakee.. teluso ledo Kore.. varamedo.. munumunde niluchunde Inkaa.. kalalenaa.. kanupaapaa Chere.. dariyedo.. rammantoo eduraite Choostoo.. niluchode terachaa...

I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman- Britney spears lyrics is just.❤❤❤   I used to think I had the answers to everything But now I know That life doesn't always Go my way, yeah Feels like I'm caught in the middle That's when I realize I'm not a girl Not yet a woman All I need is time A moment that is mine While I'm in between I'm not a girl There is no need to protect me It's time that I Learn to face up to this on my own I've seen so much more than you know now So don't tell me to shut my eyes I'm not a girl Not yet a woman All I need is time A moment that is mine While I'm in between I'm not a girl But if you look at me closely You will see it in my eyes This girl will always find Her way I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe (Not yet a woman) I'm just tryin' to find the woman in me, yeah (All I need is time) oh, all I need is time (A moment that is mine) that's mine While I'm in between I'm not a girl...

little changes that happened to me....people are telling me that I have changed ...maybe I did! I am talking less, I am not giving a damn about things that are not related to me, I am no more interested to discuss someone unless the person is important to me.  yeah, I am trying to let go of things, I am not at all up to hate someone. you are either important to not matter at all.. and I am trying to be positive and happy mostly... I consider all of these as good changes, some people are getting offended that I am ignoring them, I don't know how well they understood me, but it's still fine. I am not going to overthink. I hope life moves on like this #goodvibesonly.

  mmm.. I may look normal now but deep down I am really scared of my birthday this time... I am going to be 20..OMGG...I don't wanna grow up mann.....I am really scared of adulting my adulthood...omg my life is going to be a whole different level in this 20's I mean I will complete my degree or pg whatever it is called, maybe job something like that...huhh! don't know how life surprises me other than this...I was going to post this on my b'day but starting from this month I am unable to accept this thing that I am going to be 20. I know it's not a single-day thing... I mean I know there will be no sudden changes after my day but there will be definitely some changes after that gradually... this is too heavy and tiring mann... I know there are no one to judge me and order me for my age to do something or not, still, it's troubling me.. maybe I am overreacting but this is how I am feeling rn... I have not at all done some crazy or great things in my teens, I regre...

 Okay at least I did .... feeling everyone as my people.... wishing everyone's happiness... sometimes..it is better to not get involved in something even if you know the person is going to face any bad coz they never gonna think of your side or your perspective or about you or your opinion...you end up hurting not because you are hurt but they are going to hurt because they never listened to you...yeah, I overthink. I over-care...no matter how much I try to avoid such things, I involuntarily end up in such situations. Uughhhh!! This sucks...I don't have to feel this bad for something which is not at all my thing...uff okay be a normal girl... I just want to shout that I don't want to care about anyone, I just want to become silent for no reason, sometimes I don't even want to see people's faces or even feel like talking to them.. yeah being selfish is good sometimes. actually, it's a survival skill, in my opinion, it's a must thing to protect yourself.      ...

  i want to be that lover who would rest his head on your lap, sitting under a sky full of stars and talk about all my nightmares, but i am afraid you wouldn't like my company. i want to be that friend who would invite over and talk about my demons, but i am afraid, you would assume me to be that demon who is camouflaging as your friend. i want to be that 2 am friend who would offer you a seat beside me as we travel through the bumpy roads of my past, but i am afraid, you would start hating me. i want to be that son who would make you understand that isn't always sunny inside my head, but i am afraid you wouldn't understand and be a parent instead of a friend. you would again offer me a cup of advice instead of a bucket of ice-cream and your friendly company. i hope being lovers doesn't only mean sharing the good things but also your darkest secrets. i hope people understand you when you talk to them about your past, and listens to you instead of passing a judgement. th...

Dear women, Everyone says "be proud to be a woman", but no makes us feel great for our existence,   you are Discriminated, you are made feel worthless, and yeah your opinion is not considered, you are being harassed not only outside of the house sometimes in your own house too, you have to face all those uncomfortable stares and people and there is a society which is always noticing even your small move to question you and blame you. Why you have to face all these things, coz you are a 'WOMEN'.. irrespective of all these things you also have a family who believes in you, you have friends who make you feel comfortable, these people make our lives a little better place to live...no matter what you choose to fight for your life through all these things, you are a survivor, you are a warrior and you should be proud of that✊🏻  I have another version of happy women's day..... Happy women's day? happy? Really? Besides reading all the success stories of women, there ...

todayyyyy was a great day... I don't know if I should say a day but it was a great and lovely start to the day..... I was really awesome, I mean at least for me it means soo much.. soo what happened is... you know I am a great lover of writers, I mean lyrics of songs and ofcourse music... so from yesterday I was trippin' on a song... which is about praising a girl.. so there are so many songs that I love which are about that kind.. they wrote the lyrics of those songs beautifully, they set my standards high. so there were few songs in my head yesterday but I didn't listen to them yeasterday.  I have to travel in an auto to college from my hostel a 15mins distance. some of those autos have sound systems (i mean speakers). so he was randomly playing those two songs that were in my head from yesterday..... I was like wowww....what is this happening, did he read my mind, I mean exactly those two songs, howw???  was that law of attraction😂😂😂. did I attracted those songs...oka...