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It's Getting Worse

It’s been months.

Not just four months of trying, it feels like forever, honestly.

I’ve been fighting, applying, hoping, breaking down, and forcing myself to get up again. And for what? Nothing seems to work out the way I planned. Nothing feels right.

I moved to the city after fighting with my family, thinking maybe, just maybe... A change of place could bring a change in life.

But here I am. Exhausted. Burned out. Hating every second of it.

Staying at home was hell.

Leaving home is a different kind of hell.

And my relationship is a Hell

I keep making decisions that seem smart at first and turn out to be stupid later.

I keep pushing myself to apply for jobs, to stay strong, to keep moving forward because getting a job is important, it's not even a choice anymore, it’s survival.

And yet, rejection after rejection was killing me.

I don’t just feel tired. I feel ugly. I feel unwanted. I feel invisible.

There is no place that feels like "home" to me right now.

No corner where I feel safe.

No person I can just fall apart in front of without being judged.

No space that says, “Stay, you’re okay here.”

I hate that.

I hate everything.

And the worst part?

I’m starting to give up.

Not because I’m weak.

Not because I don’t want to fight.

But because I’m tired of fighting alone.


Right now, everything hurts.

Right now, it feels endless.

But if there’s even a small part of me that’s still writing this, still breathing, still trying to put it into words ....then maybe, just maybe, there’s a tiny part of me that hasn’t given up completely.

And maybe that’s enough for today.


                                                                        -Mystery Girl


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Comments

  1. Rapid PhysicaMay 16, 2025 at 11:09 AM

    Believe me, you are not alone. Many girls and boys, like you, are going through the same journey. Fighting with the problems alone will make you much stronger. I know my words may not help you, but I want to say, "Keep Fighting Alone." In time, you will get something that only a few people have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousMay 17, 2025 at 9:22 PM

      Thank you for saying that. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one stuck in this mess, so hearing that I’m not alone makes a difference. I guess fighting through it will make me stronger, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. Your words do help... more than you know.

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