Skip to main content

melting words

  I have been hurt. I have cried. I have felt like an idiot for trusting people. I have had my lessons. But I still have not become heartless. I still believe in the magic of vibes. So if I like you as a person, if I feel that vibe, then I will still trust you. I will still not think twice if my soul feels happy vibing with your soul. I may tell you things in our first conversation that I won't tell even a person I know for years. So, I still keep that mad, innocent part of me alive. I know it's risky. But I would like to take that risk and keep a window open for magic. Earlier, the problem was that once I trusted a person, I kept that trust on blindly. I used to be so sure in my head that I won't be betrayed that I could not even see the screaming evidence. I used to ignore every sign, every clue. And I used to accept all excuses, all fake promises, just because I trusted that person. And that has hurt me a lot in my life. Me not giving up on people who have proved that they don't deserve me has been my biggest mistake.


But now, I have changed that. I have become too sensitive to betrayal. Even a hint of it, and I will leave. I don't take any bullshit anymore. I am so brutal and arrogant about this that some people don't like me anymore. But I like this version of me. I still trust you, even after so many scars, so many lessons. But I won't give you a second chance. This is your first and last chance. If you mess this up, no matter what's your excuse, you are dead for me. I won't look back. I won't listen to your sorry, sob story. I won't take you back, no, never. So I have kept this balance of an innocent heart but with a working brain. My heart will open itself if I feel the vibe. But my brain will shut the door once you have hurt me beyond trust. So now, only those people stay who deserves to stay. My one decision once does not hold me hostage for life. I keep the power to throw you out. I keep my happiness above everything. I keep my peace my priority. So, how I treat you depends on you. You give me honesty, and I will give you all I have. You play games with me, and you are dead to me.


~ @rkupclose

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Love is..??

Hmm... Love is??! Maybe love is missing someone, no matter how busy you are. Maybe love is liking the things that person used to like. Maybe love is an endless hope. Maybe love is that smile we get when we think of them. Maybe love is the pain we are aware of but still keep chasing. Maybe love is going back to the same person again and again. Maybe love is longing for someone, even when you know they won't be yours. Maybe love is finding comfort in their memories, even when they're not around. Maybe love is realizing that, no matter how far apart, they are always close to your heart. Maybe love is both joyful and painful, hopeful yet uncertain. Maybe love is confusion and clarity at the same time. Maybe love is...(you finish it!)                                                                  ...

I was unlucky...

Yes... yes... I'm still alive. I don't know why, but I always start my posts with "I don't know"... maybe it reflects how confused I am. Hmm... moving on to my life. As you can see, I'm hardly able to write, and now I'm at a point where I can clearly see that both my love life and professional life are messed up. I chose the wrong path, even after all these days of thinking and choosing with so much consideration. And now, I don't know how to get out of either situation. I've committed to a job role for a year that isn't related to my core subjects at all, and I've given my heart to someone who can never love me the way I want. Both of these are hurting me. These days, I'm just stuck in a loop of thoughts, or else I'm crying. I take things seriously... seriously to the heart and head. I don't know how to live with all this mess in my mind. I'm just happy that I have this blog, which is like my sanctuary. I know no one reads ...

so far 2025 is...

So far, 2025 has been hard, maybe the hardest. Every past year was tough, but this one feels like it's draining the life out of me. I left my job with hope, and it hasn't even been three months, yet I already feel like a loser. I mean, sometimes I even feel  underconfident because it's been almost a year since I graduated, and then... These months feel like three different lifetimes. I went on a trip in January, which was cool...because it was Kanyakumari. And then, again... I lost my uncle...Something I never, ever expected to happen. And now, I'm going through a tough time in my relationship. I mean, why do I have to go through all of this? It's not like I'm sitting idle. I'm taking on-call shifts at a nearby hospital, thinking about a startup, and applying to hundreds of jobs. But still, I feel like a failure.  I know, I know...I’m not a failure. I’m much better than this. But every single year, life keeps testing my patience and tolerance. At times, I’ve...