Mystery Girl's Diaries

I thought about writing this post in new year but somehow I ended up posting this now.  2021 was may not be "my year" kind of year but I can sense the positivity and all the possible things that are going to happen. 2022 smells like a great year to me, i feels it's going to be great, i don't even expect it to be great, I just don't want it to be bad... Basically I'm not a resolution person but this year I just want my life to be meaningful and in my control. So 1. I want to go on trips I don't limit it by saying atleast one- i am going on tours or trips whatever, i am traveling that's it. 2. I am not spending money on unwanted things and think before spending 3. I am not going to overthink anything- i am living every moment that's it no more recollection of things especially the cringing moments 4. I should learn something or earn something by the ending of 2022 5. Stay sane, peaceful and calm- i really have anger issues..so i should try to be pati...

  Yup...had a great day Yesterday. Which is worth remembering...did somethings and fun. I jumped my college wall,but not bunk okay?! I am good student 😌. Explored some parts of my college. I visited church for the first time in my life. It was peaceful. I loved it. w W ent to shopping, not for me, for my roomies,they are leaving soon.you know I am on my savings mode, I am getting resistant to shopping, my self control levels are increasing 😂🤭. And ended my day with chicken biryani 🧘🏻‍♀️.show me a perfect day than this😝.                                                    -Mystery girl

  yayy... it has been a great week from the beginning. I did give a seminar and that went super well...everyone was impressed with that, of course, that made me happy. and I should make a new year resolution this year, I'll write it in another post.  since it's December and it's almost ending 2021. I should summarise my 2021. It's been a great year for me... I have experienced so many things for the first time. I have started going to the hospital for practice, I started going on public transport to college, I got on a running bus for the first and last time. I met so many new people but didn't make any friends. I cleared my exams. I bought a painting kit and some things for myself...indirectly I can say I gifted some things myself- it was the first time obviously. usually, I don't order takeaways when I am alone, but I did and ate alone. well apart from all the good things I was stressed a lot, I cried, but I controlled and balanced myself. I did read new books...

I just realized something while watching a documentary It was about anxiety disorders- it was like a moment of realization..it goes on like --your anxiety or hate comes from your past experiences- if you as human spending your early years seeing a loved one physically abused by somebody else being brought up as a refugee with shelling all around you- your brain has been taught to have a lifetime vigilance-- it's not the exact same thing with me or me totally hating love... I don't like the idea of me being in a relationship or loved or as I said earlier I am scared. relating to the above, mentioned thing I didn't see anyone being abused but I didn't see anyone being happy in love either... I saw people were struggling in love, compromising, adjusting, blaming each other...it was miserable watching them like that... maybe not maybe, definitely that influence a part of me. it's not blaming them...we as humans learn a lot from our surroundings mostly when we are kids.....

  it's always stressful to live up to people's expectations and that scares me. people think so highly of me...i am a simple human I am average at everything aargh. what if I do something wrong and it disappoints everyone, already happen with my tenth result. of course, I like to do many things but I am not an ace... it's okay until they are just happy and proud of me but I can't deal with expectations. recently I attended a family event which made me feel this... I really need to do stress management...just yesterday I mentioned being sane...how?. okay, I am sane.

okayy these hospital stories are real-life stories/reality. maybe I should call this a love story... so he was an old man near to his sixties, his condition was new to us since we just started going to the hospital, he was fine on the first day of our visit...I mean he communicated well...he does some job in rtc and he has 2 children both graduated. the thing is he lost his wife in recent times...not directly due to COVID-19 but due to COVID circumstances they have not treated her properly- she died a few months ago. on the second day when we visited him no one was with him so he had a long conversation with us, maybe he needed that...we listened...he was showing all her photos and suddenly he started crying....maybe he loves her so much or maybe he is regretting something I can't actually define whatever he is missing his person now...he said that they did an intercaste marriage..in that era, those were obviously rare...they struggled together, they were happy together, only he kn...

life is being hell and heaven these days... I know it's been long... as I always wish got busy these days, yup seriously busy!! BUSY it was 😂. hmm...before everything I really understood the meaning of this quote I read a long time ago "misery loves company"...well I just learned there are types of misery too, let's discuss someday. coming to my hell and heaven....these days I am hustling, attending college regularly, kind of doing an internship at a hospital, and dealing with the bullshit of stupid people around me, and also I became considerate of spending money...all these things giving me some serious adulting feels..seriously feeling my twenties rn. of course, I learned so many things in this gap, I am trying to be sane these days, trying to be motivated and positive and most importantly I am trying to be sane while dealing with insanity. since I am saying "adulting" ask me what it means...well according to me with my little experience it is dealing wi...